April 30, 2007

• Well this is it people. I now live in a shithole. At least, in the eyes of the Village of Romeoville. In my eyes, its a complete and utter shithole, but I digress. How do I know this? Because the ‘Ville has finally caught up to my illegal ways, at least when it comes to my place of residence. I came home today to find 3 code violations (not yet fines though, which is cool) about my little shack. One was for my wood section of my house which requires “protective treatment”. What does that mean exactly? Are they saying my house has been having unprotected sex with other houses? So they are saying my house is  fucking whore! Nice. So now I have to buy some sort of house condom, I mean, where the fuck does somebody buy something like that? Ok, so that’s the first violation, quite honestly, I don’t think its any of their business who my house chooses to fuck. Next, it was onto my back yard. Turns out, my fence is rusted and it requires paint. I guess I can see that, I mean, its so rusty that it almost looks volcanic. Ok, and here is the final one and I have to say, its about fucking time. Yes that’s right, they finally got me on the garage, for the garage fascia requiring paint. Now here is the funny part, they could have went ape shit on the garage. In fact, the other 2 might as well apply to the garage. What makes me laugh is that of all the things, you know, the shingles turned upwards from being old, the side door falling off, the siding breaking, the broken window and the only thing they could come up with was the fascia. Of course, they do not know that I am working towards a goal of having the garage done by Memorial Day. Shit, I’m glad they didn’t come inside the house, boy they would have been here all day if they had done that. Shit, the more I think about it, they could have probably written at least 3 more just on the outside of the house alone, which makes me wonder why they chose what they chose to write the violations on. I guess I really better get my ass in gear to get all this shit taken care of, and why not? Its about fucking time, isn’t it? I mean, the garage has been one strong breeze from blowing right the fuck over for quite some time now. And the fence? Well, just looking at it requires a technis (spelling please) shot. I just don’t understand the one on the front of the house, its really not that bad, I think they might have been being picky. Honestly, if they had just taken the time to look around the whole outside of the house, they could have found many other things to write a violation on. For example, what about the electric cord that is cut on the outside of my house? Sure, its not a live wire, but they don’t know that. And what about the piles of dirt from the shit I planted yesterday? Hell, it doesn’t look like I planted anything, it looks like I buried somebody. Or how about the basketball pole, which is in worse condition than the fence and  which by the way, is right next the damn fence. And then there is the whole matter of the shit that is next to my garage, such as the rotted picnic bench. Wow, when I think about it, I probably should just abandon the house and leave it to be condemned. I want to say that “its not as bad as it seems” but honestly…………….I guess it kind of is. Anybody want to trade houses? And by anybody, I mean Oprah or Michael Jordan.

  • 10:27 pm
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