September 20, 2007

• I was at the store today and the girl behind the counter sneezed. Now, you are probably asking why this is relevant. Well, she was one of these Mega Christians. Honestly, I can’t confirm that, but she sure as hell looked like it because she was double-crossed. In other words, she was wearing 2 crosses, one small one around her neck and just for extra Jesus-ification, a large one that hung further down towards the middle of her chest. Being an Atheist, of course, I didn’t say “God bless you” but it give me an idea. I think I’m gonna start saying “Satan bless you.” See, people always bless me when I sneeze, even though they know I’m an Atheist (or, even some people who do not know). Of course, it makes little sense to say that to somebody who is not Christian. So, I think it would be funny for me to say “Satan bless you” to somebody who is not a Satanist. Oh, you don’t have to tell me, I know its going to be very offensive and I will certainly piss some people off. But, you have to admit, its going to be funny the first time somebody hears “Satan bless you”. Sure, it won’t be funny to the Mega Christian being blessed, but to those of us who are not believers or are not certifiably Jesus-ly insane, it will be funny. And their reaction will only make it funnier. Shit, I wish I could get it on video to show everybody. If I had a talk show, it would be a classically funny scene.

  • 10:15 pm
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