February 13, 2008

  • Today I had a couple of guys come out to fix my crawlspace. As you all know my crawlspace was leaking. See, the reason being was for the first 5 years after my mother died, we kept her body in the crawlspace. 'Til one afternoon the funeral director and his merry band of groomsmen showed up in a daring pre-dawn raid to get the body. The came in through the roof, which is now  leaking. They landed hard on the kitchen floor and cracked the hell out of it. They demanded the body because they said it wasn't legal for us to keep the body down there; also the body still needed to be embalmed. So they take the body out and bury it in the backyard next to my dad and former president James Polk. But ever since they went into the crawl space it leaks. . Of course its always been wet down there because we used to send my brother down there to water my mom. We sent him because for him it wasn't a crawlspace and for everybody else it was a crawlspace.

    So I had to get it fixed before I get a nasty ass case of mold down there and then who the hell knows who will have to show up and what they will be with. Anywho, the guys that went down there said that there already is a little bit of mold down there and also I might have a leak in my bathroom as well. I'm guessing that I will have to have that fixed before the house is sold too. A leaky roof, a busted floor and the issues in the crawlspace...............shit, this is going to end up costing me a ton of money. Therefore if anybody wants to have sex with me for money, preferably large sums of money, I want to just throw that on the table. Oh, maybe paying for sex isn't your thing. Then perhaps some naked pictures of me or maybe some phone sex. You are MY customer, I'm going to cater to you. Or, even better for everybody else, hows about you just give me the money. I'm not thinking anything major, just somewhere in the $10,000 neighborhood.

    Oh, and if this is the first time you have visited my 'lil blog, I didn't really keep my dead mother in the crawlspace for 5 years. I kept her in the attic.

    Just kidding about the attic. Maybe.