February 21, 2008

• And now its time for my interview with Tom Johnson, author of the book "I'm Gay, You're Gay, Lets Get Lunch!"

  Me: "So Tom, tell us a little bit about your book."

  Tom: "Well Mike, its about ways that gays can meet in a safe way with no added sexual pressure. See, with lunch, its limited to-"

  Me: "Enough about the book, Tom, we only wanted a little bit. If I allow you to finish another sentence its gone from a little bit to quite a bit, and nobody really wants that. So, this book is about gays. Are you gay yourself?

  Tom: "Yes. I think that was implied by the title, "I'm Gay."

  Me: "Ok Tom, no need to get uppity."

  Tom: "Nobody's gettin uppity Mike."

  Me "Well now that we have that settled. So you are in this gay thing for the long haul, right? You aren't going to have some sort of midlife crisis and all of a sudden choose to be straight are you?"

  Tom: "What? No, I'm gay. Gay with a capital G-A-Y. I was get when I was young, gay now that I'm an adult and will be gay right until the party ends."

  Me: "Ohhhhhhhhhhkkkkkkkkkk. Easy there tiger. Nothing like outing yourself on national tv."

  Tom: "This is a blog. And not a very good one at that. A blog that nobody even reads."

  Me: "Pfffft..........National tv............blog, whatever. Honestly, is there a difference? You with your precious words."

  Tom: "Mike, I though this was an interview. Are you gonna ask me some questions or what?"

  Me: "Ok Tom, you want questions, huh? Sooooo Tom.............do you think instead of playing 48 minutes, the NBA should just have the teams play and the first one to 10 wins?"

  Tom: "What? No, that would be too...............wait, I don't even fuckin like basketball. And what does this have to do with my book? I'm supposed to be here talking about my Goddamn book!"

  Mike: "Fine, if you insist. Jesus, the guy wants to talk about his fucking book. Ok, let's talk about the book. I see it is #15 on the New York Times bestseller list, why #15? Why not #12 or #13? Or even #18."

  Tom: "Well, shit. I don't even know where to begin to answer that question. First of all you dip shit, #18 is LOWER than #15. And I happen to think #15 is pretty good considering I'm a first time author that nobody has ever heard of. And it shows that more than just gay people are buying the book."

  Me: "Yes, but its not 12 or 13.............."

  Tom: "You know what, fuck this shit, I've had about enough of this interview. Good riddance, you second rate flub!"

  That's all we have for this time. Join us next time when our guest will be some guy who dropped a dime bag in a sewer.
  
  

  • 11:00 pm
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