February 25, 2008

  • I finished watching the PBS thing on the Mormons yesterday. Boy, there were some more fucked up things I learned. For starters, they don't believe in "''til death do us part." Instead, they believe the marriage continues even after death for all eternity. So that basically means that if you have had enough of your wife and you can't wait to die so that you can finally get away from her, that is only the beginning. Just when you think you have rid yourself of her with your death, all of a sudden she shows up in the afterlife and this time, it won't end because of your death. This is supposed to be paradise, sounds to me an awful lot like Hell. Of course, if you love your wife and want to be with her for all eternity, then this is a good thing.

    Speaking of death, here is something you are going to be blown away by. It seems the Mormons have an addiction to baptizing. Its not enough to baptize a baby. We all know they won't stop there, they go on missions to annoy the shit out of people so much until they convert to Mormonism. Think the baptizing and converting ends there or when somebody dies? Nope! And why let death stop them, after all there is a whole eternity to keep converting. So, the Mormons seek out to convert and baptize people AFTER they die. In fact, they even have a huge fortress that is literally built into the side of a mountain that holds BILLIONS of names of people who have died. This fortress of sorts is so strong that it would take an astroid to destroy it. They even baptized a bunch of dead Jews who were victims of the Holocaust. Now I want to stress its not like they are digging up these bodies and dipping them in water. Instead they are holding memorial baptisms in which they say the person's name and go through the whole ritual of baptism sans the dipping of the body into the water. Now the theory is that in the afterlife they are given a choice of becoming Mormon and spending an eternity in paradise or of rejecting Mormonism and, well, I don't need to tell you where a rejection lands you. This is fucked up.

    Now even though I watched the rest of this yesterday morning/afternoon, I wound up having a dream last night that the Mormons were after me. As if that wasn't bad enough, they sent Mitt Romney. That's right people, Mitt Romney and the Mormons were after me and my soul. Now I don't remember the specifics of the dream, but Mitt was wearing a white shirt and a tie. And they were all like "BLAAAAAH, BLAAAAAH, we're the Mormons....................BLAAAAAH!!!" I don't know what any of that means, but it sounds pretty serious. Just imagine if Mitt and the Mormons (kind sounds like a lame band) showed up in your dreams to try to save your soul. After that I couldn't sleep, in fact I woke up at 5:30, nearly an hour and a half before I was planning to get up. I could not fall back asleep for fear that Mittens (that's what his hommies call him) would visit me.

    Now before you all come down hard on the Mormons, consider this. From an Atheist's point of view, all religions are nuts. Christians like to spend a good portion of time making fun of other religions, especially Mormonism. But, just look at Christianity. They will have you believe that a man died and came back to life 3 days later. Also the same very man could walk on water. There was another guy who lived to be 600 years old and even in his old age still found a way to part an entire sea. Another man carried on a conversation with a burning bush. And I'm not talking about a hallucination from a bad LSD trip,  I mean an actual "conversation". Muslims believe that when you die you go up to heaven where 72 virgins await. You would think they would say 69 virgins, you know just to keep things consistent. Buddhists believe in reincarnation in which you can possibly come back as a dog, cat or any other number of animals. The point is, they are all pretty fucked up and goofy, so I don't see Mormonism as being anymore goofy than any of the others.