February 27, 2008

  • So yesterday I get this message on reunion.com. For those of you not familiar with the website, its one of these "keep in touch with those annoying old classmates" sites. I signed up for this site YEARS ago and haven't been back since. Well, they always send an email to you lettering you know when you have a message. This is the message I got yesterday:

    Subject  Mike, it is a shame you and I never knew one another...
    Body  as
    I was originally in the class of one of our mutual friends, Mike
    D (last name deleted by me, I'm sure this guy has no idea that some dipshit is messaging his name to some dope that he doesn't know). I really had no time to get to know any "lower classman". Not
    that that is any sort of "knock" against you, or anything, I was just
    too "busy" trying to "burn the candle at both ends. I do not know how
    we might have gotten along, but we have the same taste in friends, as
    Mike D (again deleted, but there are too many fucking Mikes in this message)  and I were close in the summer of 1984 through 1991, and
    it only stopped then because I had what I have been told was one hell
    of a drunk driving car accident, I spent about three months in a coma,
    hooked up to just about every machine they had, then required a full
    year of physical and COGNITIVE rehabilitation, cause I needed to learn
    to feed myself, take care of my personal needs, like showering,
    brushing my teeth, shaving, and the like. I wish I would have been more
    mentally aware at the time, because a hot nurse named Amy R (does this guy not know the meaning of don't give out fucking personal info about others, jeez!), got
    in the shower with me, to teach me to properly clean myself. Oh well, I
    was a vegetable at the time so I really considered it no big deal. I
    mean she cleaned me from "stem to stern" not missing a trick. Too bad I
    was a basket case at the time. Unfortunatly, I still live at home at
    34, but am dying to get out, and go someplace. The only trouble being I
    am not supposed to drink. Oh well, they never mentioned anything about
    sex, so I have been making up for lost time. I just cannot operate on
    that same wham bam thank you mam level of my teen days. Now, it takes
    time, which I do not mind, as it tends to make matters more intimate. I
    just need to get out of here on occasion. Not the drunken stupor my
    life had become, but I suppose I could get stoned, geeze that has been
    a long time coming. I am practically a chemical "virgin" if you will. I
    prefer that over drinking anyday, I had some really bad experiences
    drinking. Now, I just sit at home, like a loser. Please Mike, rescue
    me. I live at: Mr. Michael (address deleted by me because only a dumbass would give his address to a complete and utter stranger. We now return you to this crazy fucking message),
    Lockport IL 60441-4541. I promise not to be a "downer" and lecture you
    on all of my past transgressions, I can still have an excellent time
    sober, however I cannot drive currently. This I hope to change. I think
    what Mike has told me of you, you seem pretty cool. Hopefully, he has
    done the same talking about me. Take care, Mike (my last name deleted for obvious reasons), sincerely
    Mike Becker (his last name not deleted because hey, I'll cover your ass once for the address, but not twice. Its one or the other). RHS Class of 1991, err 1993.

    Ok, so I have no fucking idea who this guy is and why he sent me this rather odd message. I also had no idea that he and I had a mutual friend, as I have no idea who this other Mike is. I have heard the name, I think I went to school with his sister but that's about it. And what the fuck is with this "please Mike, rescue me" like I'm some sort of firefighter coming to save the damn day. Ok, so he nailed the whole pretty cool part, but outside of that I don't know what the fuck this message means. Did he send it to me by mistake? Was it meant for my twin brother? By the way, I forwarded the message onto Mark but haven't heard anything back yet. Also he did spell my last name wrong, so maybe it was not supposed to be for me.  Maybe it was meant for another guy in our class named Mike. Is he looking for friends? Sex? I don't think he is gay, so that is not likely. But still, what fucking gives with this? At first I thought it might be spam of some kind, however the message is a little too personal to be considered spam. Anywho, I responded telling him to fuck off. Well, maybe not fuck off, but I did tell him that I think he has the wrong guy and best of luck.

Comments (1)

Comments are closed.

Post a Comment