March 16, 2008

• I have been friends with this girl, Dori, since high school. So, needless to say we go back about 15 years. Dori has always said that she considers myself and our other friend Cara (who I grew up with but no longer talk to) her two best friends. Dori has moved back and forth in the years since high school between Charleston, IL (about 3 hours away) and Romeoville. Currently, she lives in Charleston and has for about 5 or 6 years now. Because she is so far away I honestly only talk to her about 3 or 4 times a year and see her even less. She is married with 3 kids, although her husband has been, to put it nicely, not much of a husband for some of the years they have been married. Dori was one of the first people I came out to, although it wasn't until about 5 years ago. She was accepting then, but in the ensuing years she has- GULP- found God. I think you all know what that means. Gays and hardcore Christians go together about as well as peppers and pancakes. Still, we have remained friends, although there was always this big cloud hanging over our friendship and I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop. She also does not know that I'm an Atheist and always forwards those crazy religious emails to me. Well, Thursday night I ran into her online. We were chatting about various things, however she apologized for being kind of slow because she was also on the phone at the time. My reply was that it was ok as I was chatting with this cute and amazing guy at the same time. This is how the conversation went after that: 

  Dori: do you know in 1 Cor 6:9 that it states who will not inherit the kingdom
  of God - will not go to Heaven?
  
  Mike: i did not
  
  Mike: altough im sure i know the answer to this, but have you
  heard from cara?
  
  Dori: fornicators, idolators, adulterers,
  homosexuals, sodomites, thieves, covetous, drunkards, revilers,
  extortioners                Not for a couple weeks, we txt once in awhile
  
  Mike: i saw her brother last weekend, he said she is doing good
  
  Dori:  cool
  
  Mike: yeah
  
  Mike:  so you think im going to hell because im gay?
  
  Dori: according to the Bible, yes.       But I know I
  love u & u know I would never judge u or any other person for their
  choices, but I just wanted to make sure u knew & maybe God planned our
  friendship to save u.  Please don't be mad at me for bringing this up, I
  just wanted to make u aware of this and I want u to go to Heaven.
  
  Mike:, im not mad. i knew this is probably what you thought
  
  Mike: however, its not a choice. i know most christians dont
  believe that, but it is not. believe me
  
  Dori: whew, I was so nervous to ever bring it up
  
  Mike: also............im an atheist so i dont believe in hell
  or heavan...........haha. i was nervous too
  
  Dori:  I know a guy that was gay, then he seriously
  changed because of this and now is saving alot of others because of his
  experience
  
  Mike: that might be, but honestly, one can not change their
  sexuality. he might pretend to be straight but deep down he is gay.
  
  Mike: its just who you are attracted to. honestly, its what ive
  always felt.
  
  Mike: i believe people can not change who or what they are
  attracted to. some people are gay, some are straight. some girls are
  attracted to older guys, some are attracted to big muscle guys, its just
  what we are
  
  Mike: i know its hard to understand
  
  Dori: no, it's not hard to understand, cuz my choices
  have changed over the years
  
  Mike: i know most people have a hard time understanding it
  because it is different, but i always compare it to what people are
  attracted to. plus, if gay people can choose to be gay than that means
  straight people choose to be straight
  
  Mike: which would mean that choosing to be straight would be
  the most important decision that one can make..............meaning that
  everybody would how and when they made that decision
  
  Mike: id hate to cut you short, but ive got to get to
  bed............im working overtime tomorrow (need to pay for repairs on
  the house)
  
  Mike: it was nice chatting with you............i hope dj feels
  better. give your brother my congrats!

  The time stamp is not on here, so it makes it seem like I ended the conversation abruptly, however she had not responded in about 10 minutes and I needed to get to bed so I ended the conversation. I was crushed. Hell, I still am crushed. In the years since I have come out, I feel very lucky and fortunate in that everybody that I've told have been very accepting. I've always felt that I could not relate to most other gays because I've never had to deal with this shit.  I think I just lost a good friend because I'm gay. Now she doesn't come right out and say that she does not want to be friends. Clearly though she does not approve and does not accept me. My thinking is that we can go on being friends if we want. However, how can I honestly be friends with somebody who despises what I am? She thinks I can change, but we all know I can't. And let's just pretend for a second that it is a choice, why would it be such and awful choice? The whole time I wanted to unload on her about religion, but I held back, I wanted to try to approach this as soft as possible and not club her. The thing that we both have in common is that we want to change each other. There was a time in my life when if this had happened,  I would have cursed myself  and hated myself for being gay. I would have prayed and hoped that I could change and not be gay. But, that was a long time ago. Now, I don't hate myself for being gay. I hate religion for brainwashing people into hating gays. Even if it was a choice, I wouldn't change to make them happy. Because I don't have many gay friends, after this incident I was upset and I forwarded it to the only person I knew who could understand and offer me advice: Liam. He gave me a brilliant and very though out response, which I will post tomorrow. This post is already long enough and I want to write about my weekend.

  Yesterday was Scooty and Kris's daughter's (Robyn is her name) first birthday party. It was at their house and they planned it for 1-4pm. They were having about 60 guests and Scooty's mom was taking Robyn after the party so that Scooty and Kris can have some much needed alone time. Still, I knew that there was no way they would get 60 people to leave their house by 4 and I was right. However most of the people were gone by 6:30 and John and I were all set to leave when Kris told us to stay for a while. Well, after eating at Portillo's, playing 5 or 6 games of pool, watching tv, and bullshitting, we left about 12:45 in the am. I felt kinda bad about eating away their whole night, but both of them were cool with it.

  Christie and Jeff showed up at the party. This is the first time I have seen them since the summer. Ok, that's night entirely true. Christie did have a segment on the WGN Morning news a few months go that I saw and posted a link to. But, this was the first time I saw her in person since the summer. They recently got back from a 3 week trip to Cambodia, Thailand and Tokyo. They had a ton of interesting stories to tell, in fact I was captivated with them for the better part of a couple of hours. I always love to hear about traveling, and this was no exception. Jeff is an amateur photographer and he took over 5000 pictures during the trip. He is also building a website so that he can sell his pictures to people. He hopes to have a site set up soon which of course, I will post a link for.

  One thing they told us that I found very interesting was that they were in Cambodia and some of the locals (who did know some English) were asking them about Obama and Clinton. Jeff and Christie are both Republicans, but they still found it interesting that people in a country that far away were so into American politics. It just goes to show you that this presidential race not only transcends history and the world. I was reading an article about this in the Chicago Tribune a few weeks ago and how people in other countries are very interested in our election. Isn't it amazing?

  • 2:15 pm
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