April 7, 2008

• Its pretty safe to say that I'm pretty well fucking steamed right now!!!! See, you may know that for years now I have been trying to get pregnant. I am desperate to get pregnant. In fact, I would love nothing more than to get pregnant. Ohhh, to have a little one growing inside of me. Just think of the money I would make if I became the first guy to get pregnant. That is, until now.

  Have you heard about this one, people? It turns out that some guy in Oregon is pregnant. He was on Oprah. David Letterman did a top to list about him. And I'm sure he is getting more publicity and probably money from this. Here is the catch though. In spite of his beard, deep voice and hairy chest, he is not a true man. Even though the bulldozed her mountains down to a flat field, he/she is still missing something very essential. Now, sure he had a sex change from chick to a dude. But, that's not the end of the story. See, he/she never had the plumbing switched over. Turns out, nothing is dangling in between his legs. That's right, he still has a baby hole. And although I'm by no means an expert or some sort of genital scientist, boys have boy parts, AKA cock, dick, beefstick, magic wand, frank and beans, pogo stick, or demon pencil. Girls have girl parts AKA pussy, fuzz box, fun hole, hot box or cooch. So, if this person has no fun bags yet no doodle, what the hell is it? Honestly, how the hell is he going to breast feed? In an episode of Family Guy Peter tried breast feeing Stewie, but let me tell you, this person is no Peter Griffin.

  So this begs the question, male or female? Honestly, I lean towards female because, well, shehe doesn't have a penis. Yet, shehe doesn't have titties either. The only thing I can figure is that this is some sort of third option combo of both sexes. But, what would that be called? I mean, you have male and female what would the third type of person be called? Shmale? Feeman? Barbara Bush? I know some people would say hermaphrodite, but that's too complicated. We need something that is as simple as boy and girl or male and female. A title that says it all. One that pretty much speaks for itself. Any ideas?

  • 10:12 pm
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