April 16, 2008

• Today I appeared naked in front of an older man.  He touched my special area and felt around. No, I’m not talking about in a sexual manner, get your mind out of the gutter. I had my annual physical today. The doctor says I don’t need to go every year, but shit, since my health insurance covers it, why not go. Last year I found out I had slightly high cholesterol, so I responded by cutting back significantly on meat and started eating a lot of oatmeal. I should find out in a couple of days if it worked.

   As for everything else, the doctor strongly recommended that I start taking steroids. He said I have puny girly arms and a tiny cock. He said that the roids would make my arms bigger and give me an excuse for having a tiny cock. “Shit, if you are going to have a tiny ass fucking cock, you might as well have an excuse for it, right Mike?” is what he said to me. Hmmmmmm………….would I be right in thinking that might not be the most professional thing to say to me?

  Since I didn’t have to be into work today until Noon and I was done at the doctor’s office about 8:45, this gave me over 3 hours to kill on what was a heartbreakingly beautiful day, although probably just a little too windy. I went to a place called Blueberry Hill in Aurora (at least, I’m pretty sure it was Aurora) for breakfast because I heard some good things about it. Turns out, it was very good and since I have been dieting for a couple of months (not that I need to diet, but I wanted to make sure I had my cholesterol down) I felt I earned the right to eat unhealthy today. That being said, I still had what is probably the worst thing a person can eat: corned beef hash. Ohhhh, so good. After breakfast I did some shopping before heading into work.

  Those of you that have been reading for a long time probably know how much utter hatred and disdain I have for motorcycles. I HATE them with a burning passion, at least the loud ones. The sole reason being is that I live on a busy street and when it gets warm like this, jackasses like to zoom up and down my street making all sorts of noise. Also, the asswipe across the street has a very loud Harley and he is known for starting this damn thing early in the morning. Well, today being the nicest day of the year thus far, this presented him with the perfect opportunity to rev up that loud hunk of shit. Let me tell you how early it was. This no good, inbreed, piece of shit, cocksucking, ass-eating, mother raping, donkey dick eating, stinky ass sniffing, fuck monster decided to rev up that loud ass piece of shit scrap metal at 6:-motherfucking-15 in the go fuck your whore of a mother morning. Now, I wasn’t getting up until 7 this morning so as you can probably tell, I was none to happy. He seemed to leave it running for what felt like 3 fucking hours. In reality it was probably only 5 minutes, but 5 minutes at 6:15am when you are woken up feels like 20 minutes, at least when you are trying to fall back asleep. Now I want to be clear about something I don’t normally make mother jokes. But this guy has been doing this FOR years and I am sick of it. Now I know what you are thinking “Mike, why don’t you march your girly arms over there and talk to him?” Well, for starters even though I have not interacted with him much at all, the little interaction I have had or somebody I know has had with him shows me that he is a first class asshole. If I did ask him to stop, he would not stop and actually do it more often. Sure, I can call the cops, but honestly, at that time in the morning all I really want to do is fall back asleep. If I get up to call the cops, even if my phone is right next to me, that is going to keep me awake as I would be unable to sleep after that. Plus, by the time the cops get there, he is long gone. He does it just long enough to wake up the fucking neighborhood. What a worthless drain on society this fuckbag is.

  • 11:20 pm
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