October 12, 2008

  • For whatever reason I seem to always come up with my best ideas and thoughts while in the shower. Maybe its because I've got no other distractions such as tv, phone, radio or anything to read. And with nothing else to do for the 10 minutes I'm in there and being that washing my body is about as easy and mindless as it gets, the wheels always seem to start moving. Yesterday I came up with this while in the shower, sung to the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame"

    "Let's all vote for Obama
    Let's all vote for some change
    Buy back the stinkin' economy,
    I don't care if he is half black
    Let's all vote, vote vote for Obama,
    If he doesn't win than its a sham,
    For its one, two, three votes for Obama
    at the old election."

    Ok, I'm well aware this is not all that good. But, this is what I came up with in 10 minutes in the shower.

    I also thought about something else as well. Republicans of course are always the ones who are the most religious and claim God and Jesus as Republicans. And although I think most of them are full of shit and are just pretending to be Christian to get votes, I realize that they have to believe in God. And why is this you ask? Well, they have to believe in God to believe in Satan. And they have to believe in Satan so that they can sell their soul to the devil to win and steal elections. Right now as we speak, Obama has anywhere from a 6 to 11 point lead in various polls including a shocking 7 point lead in a FOX News poll. Yet, I'm still not convinced he is going to win. Of course, one of those reasons is that the Democrats always have a way of fucking up elections that they can't possibly lose, you know, kind of like the Cubs. But also, Republicans have a way of stealing elections too. Although Obama has done a good job of growing his lead the past few weeks (although undoubtedly the rapidly sinking economy has a lot to do with that) it is still within the margin of error for the Republicans to steal this election. Never underestimate the depths the Republicans will sink to win elections. After all they are pure, black as charcoal evil.

    I would never vote for a Republican on any level. I used to not always be that way but the Bush Abomination has soured me so much that I have vowed to never vote for another Republican ever again. They are so evil and so shady that they can never be trusted. Ever.  Ok, I guess there is one office in which I would consider voting for a Republican and that office is coroner. In fact, I will probably always vote for a Republican for coroner. See, Republicans are sexual deviants. Its always the Republican who is caught doing something shocking sexually such as trying to get underage pages to sleep with them, picking up men in the airport bathroom or doing crystal meth with a gay male prostitute. Now just what the hell does politics have to do with the office of coroner? Coroner gets the body, investigates the death and issues a death certificate, not much politics involved in that. Now why would I trust a Republican with my dead, lifeless body you ask? Well, being sexual deviants, they are more likely to try to fuck me after I'm dead. And honestly who does not want some sort of action after death? The way I see it, I don't get nearly enough action while I'm alive, the least I can do is get some when I'm dead. And Democrats, their sex scandals are fairly normal, they cheat on their wives, they visit prostitutes, they usually don't do things that are disgusting. If they are gay, they are openly gay. Republicans they are closet freaks who like some pretty fucked up creepy shit. Therefore they are more likely to give me a tug while I'm dead. And my theory is why should my sex life end just because my life ended? Republicans give me the greatest chance at post life sex. And I really don't give a shit if they want to fuck me while I'm dead, after all, what do I care its not like I'm going to get an STD or something like that.

    So, vote with your head by voting Democratic in the upcoming election. And for coroner, vote with your cock and vote Republican!