November 25, 2008

• There was this thing on the History Channel tonight about a plot to kill Hitler. I didn't get a chance to watch the whole thing, but did record it so I can watch it. Why is it that when there was a plot to kill Hitler it was foiled but the assassination of JFK could not be foiled? I mean, sure, Hitler still wound up dead in the end but it still sucks that he wasn't able to be killed sooner. I think its fair to say that there were probably more people that wanted Hitler dead than JFK, yet we were unable to protect JFK but Hitler was unkillable? Somethin just aint right about that.

  Of course, a lot of people believe that there is a curse on the Kennedy family. I've never been one to believe that. After all, let's look at the "bad luck" they have had.

  • Ted Kennedy drives a car off a bridge killing his passenger. Rumor has it he was drunk. It is well documented that he has a drinking problem. Verdict: Stupidity. Very stupid. Fucking fucking stupid, that's twice the fucking stupid as a normal fucking stupid person.
  • David Kennedy dies from an overdose on Demerol and cocaine. Verdict: Stupidity. Sure, not as stupid as Ted but still stupid nonetheless. After all with all the money these people have, couldn't he afford to pay somebody to make sure he doesn't OD?
  • Christian Onassis, Jackie's stepdaughter, dies of drug abuse related heart failure. Verdict: Stupidity. I'm seeing a pattern here, the Kennedy clan has substance abuse problems.
  • Michael Kennedy dies after hitting a tree skiing drunk down a mountain. Verdict: Stupidity. This one is on par with Ted, but because he is the only victim its not at Ted level. Still, that makes the count Trees 1, Kennedy's 0.
  • Patrick Kennedy treated for cocaine addiction. Verdict: the jury is still out. Sure, it might have been 22 years ago but he is still alive and seems to be clean. Seems to be clean. Sure, its stupid to become a cocaine addict, but its smart to clean up. We can let him off on this one. Let's change the verdict to recovering stupidity.
  • John F Kennedy Jr dies when the plane he is piloting crashes. He had just recently gotten his pilot's license and was not licensed to fly at night. Verdict: Stupidity. In fact, I'm going to go ahead and call this one fucking stupid because his wife and sister in law were killed with him. I'm sparing him the extra fucking stupid because they were both stupid enough to get in the plane with a guy who didn't know how to fly at night.
  • Michael Skakel, a nephew of Ethel, is convicted of murder. Verdict: Stupidity. Actually, this is blatant stupidity. 
  • William Kennedy Smith accused (later acquitted) of raping a woman. Verdict: Stupid luck. Maybe he wasn't guilty, or maybe he actually did do it and money bought his freedom. Either way, there is a good chance its just dumb luck.
  • John F Kennedy shot and killed while riding in a motorcade in Dallas. Verdict: Stupidity. You are a Democrat and you are stupid enough to ride exposed with the top down in the Republican, gun loving, Democrat hating state of Texas. That's just really stupid. Ok, fine..........I guess we can change this verdict. Verdict: Tragic

  Sure, there are other things too that were bad, but the stupid clearly outweighs the tragic. Some of the things are just natural causes of death and not overly tragic, like the death of Jackie. She died of cancer, which is always sad but its a natural death unlike JFK or Bobby. But all those other things? It makes me say that the Kennedys aren't the unluckiest family in America but instead the dumbest.

  • 12:13 am
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