January 7, 2009

• Once again its time for another post in my continuing series of how the states got their shapes. I have been reading a book recently called "How the States Got Their Shapes" and I have been posting in alphabetical order about how some of them got their shapes. You can go back and read the post from December 8th to see how states from Alabama to Georgia and December 16th to see how Hawaii to Maryland got their shapes.  So without further ado, here is the next 10, continuing with the great of...........

  • Massachusetts- If Massachusetts kinda looks like a the drunk guy who passed out and fell at a party, its because it got its shape from a chalk outline of Billy Massachusetts when he passed out drunk at a party. No truth to the rumor that it was give the "Delaware Treatment" in which the victim is violated by Delaware's long, thick shaft.
  • Michigan- People wonder why Michigan is split in half and is surrounded by water. It got that way because Congress was trying to keep those crazy motherfuckers secluded and away from the rest of the country so that they can't fuck it up the same way they fucked up their own state.
  • Minnesota- The shape of Minnesota was heavily influenced by the fact that people from Canada are so dimwitted that they didn't want to bother to learn how to swim across all those fuckin lakes. That is the primary reason why Minnesota now looks like the tall creepy kid from school who is leering at all the freshmen chicks with his over sized nose peeking out.
  • Mississippi- Everything was going great for Mississippi until Louisiana showed up and punched Mississippi in the junk. Now its forced to look like Alabama's deformed, reverse evil twin, which is sorta fitting what with all the inbreeding in Alabama.
  • Missouri- Congress got so sick of the fucking corn in Iowa that they decided to piss Iowa off and give more land to help form Missouri. Ever since then, Missouri has been the worthless state that has to have everything shown to them instead of letting them figure shit out for themselves. If Illinois wasn't around to bribe Missouri to shut the fuck up, then it would have no economy at all.
  • Montana- Although it kinda looks like a sideways Minnesota all hopped up on steroids, Montana got its shape because we wanted to give the paranoid backwoods fucks that live there as much room as possible so that they wouldn't get cabin fever and start blowing everything the fuck up. The problem is that it didn't work.
  • Nebraska- The only reason why Nebraska got its shape was to bore the fuck out of anybody who came within 3 states of it. 
  • Nevada- Ever the showman, Nevada wanted a sleek, sexy shape to help promote its prostitution business, but yet leave a jagged point as if to stab you in the back like a Vegas casino.
  • New Hampshire- The shape of of New Hampshire isn't a mistake, it really is supposed to look like its doin 69 with Vermont.
  • New Jersey- Just because New Jersey looks like something that New York shit out after a really rough bowel movement, doesn't mean you should feel sorry for it.

  • 10:44 pm
  • 1 Comment