January 22, 2009

• Its time now for the final post on "How the States Got Their Shapes". After reading this, and the posts from December 8th (Alabama to Georgia), December 16th (Hawaii to Maryland), January 7th (Massachusetts to New Jersey) and January 14th (New Mexico to South Carolina) you will know everything you have ever needed or wanted to know about the state shaping of these very United States. Ohhhhh, the info you will receive. My thinking is that this will make you the envy of your friends. You will be the smartest person at work, that is assuming you work by yourself. And now, we conclude starting with the great state of..............

  • South Dakota- When South Dakota became a state back in whichever year that was, there was a big debate about how we could make the country even more Dakotay then it already was, as one big Dakota just wasn't boring enough. So Congress split the most boring territory in half.
  • Tennessee- Many people wonder just how Tennessee became such a state whore. At the time, Tennessee was home to more hookers than any other state. So Congress decided to make it touch as many states as possible by giving it a long, impressive shaft like shape.
  • Texas- You know the saying "everything is always bigger in Texas?" Yeah, well that's not entirely true. See, Texas is so big because many of the male citizens have tiny cocks. So to compensate, they made the state very very big and gave everybody guns. None of the surrounding states bothered to do anything because hey, would you want to piss off a small cocked asshole with a gun?
  • Utah- At the time, the whole country thought of Utah as a freak state, what with its funny fucking name and all those damn Mormons. So they decided to give it a freaky shape.
  • Vermont- Always a little "different" Vermont had a sick obsession with New Hampshire, so much that it wanted to mirror New Hampshire in every way. When it was pointed out that people in Canada weren't smart enough to tell the difference between Vermont and New Hampshire if they were identical, Vermont was more then happy to jump at New Hampshire's suggestion that they 69.
  • Virginia- See, Virginia's shape is all in the name. Its a chick name, so they decided to shape it like a tit. Unfortunately, the only sex most of the residents had was with their own families, resulting in disfigured tits, hence a funny lookin tit state.
  • West Virginia- In a desperate struggle to distinguish itself from Virginia, they decided to shape themselves like a giant ball sack. Unfortunately, its the shape of an elderly ball sack.
  • Wisconsin- The shape of Wisconsin represents its people more than any other state. See, Wisconsin is a bitch state; it used to be much bigger until Congress started stealing its land to give to all of the surrounding states. In the case of Illinois it was understandable because the governor of Illinois had spent a lot of money bribing people to get more land. But, the raping of Wisconsin continued on and on until it became the state it is today, just like how America takes all Wisconsin's cheese. The residents of Wisconsin don't care because they are all too preoccupied with the fuckin Packers.
  • Wyoming- Congress had to find a place to hide shit that they didn't want anybody to find. So they made Wyoming the shape of Colorado to confuse people. Unfortunately, both the people who live in Wyoming are confused too as they think its Colorado, otherwise they would have left years ago.

  • 9:55 pm
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