July 1, 2009

• 3 Feet Mike

  Yesterday was my friend Dave’s favorite day of the year: the day we go to the Taste of Chicago. Now most of you are not from the area, so you might be saying to yourself “What the fuck is the Taste of Chicago? Do people actually taste other people from Chicago? Do they lick various body parts? Do they cook people? Do they lick the ground? What the hell goes on at the Taste of Chicago? You Chicagoans are a bunch of weird freaky motherfuckers, come to think of it I’m not sure I want to know what goes on at the Taste of Chicago.” Well if you are thinking any of that than holy shit, you have too much time on your hands. Its actually a 10 food festival in which Chicago has a bunch of restaurants set up booths in the middle of Grant Park (yes, the same Grant Park in which President Obama had his victory rally on election night) and also the surrounding streets of Grant Park. Here, check out a link for more info

  http://www.explorechicago.org/city/en/things_see_do/event_landing/special_events/mose/taste_of_chicago.html

  I know a lot of cities have their own tastes as well. Six years ago we went to the Taste of Minnesota. Also, I know that Memphis has a rather large food and music festival in May called May Days. And Chicago’s biggest suburb, Milwaukee, has a music festival called Summerfest.

  So yesterday, we took the day off work and went to the Taste, as it is commonly known in these parts. We usually go on a weekend, but one o our favorite bands, Barenaked Ladies, were playing at the Taste. Did I mention it was a free concert?

  Anywho, yesterday I had to have a couple of cavities filled, so I was a little worried about my mouth considering I was going to have a full day of eating ahead of me. It took several hours for the novacaine to wear off but it was fine in the end.

  Dave and his wife Kelli picked me up about 11:45ish. First we had to drop their kids off at Dave’s brother house way the fuck up in Palatine so that his sister in law could watch the kids while Dave’s brother and one of his daughter’s went with us. Traffic into the city was a motherfucker.

  We eventually got into the taste about 2:20, meeting our friends Jt and Corli down there and later another friend, Don.

  Now I should mention that both Dave and I are messy eaters. What complicates things about the Taste is that there are no tables, you pretty much just eat and walk. This makes things even messier. Dave’s brother had gotten something with powdered sugar and had about a half inch of powdered sugar left in this paper plate type thing. I ate the rest of the powdered sugar. See, now you know if there is any reason why you have to wonder why I had cavitites. Nevertheless, I managed to get the powdered sugar all over my shirt. And still some on my face to go with the bbq sauce on my face. Not to be out done, Dave had no less than 6 spots on his shirt from food. And he didn’t stop there. At one point he went to get a steak taco from one vendor and while putting hot sauce on the taco, somehow managed to squirt it on the back of the helpless guy next to him. The guy didn’t know that Dave had messed his shirt, but Dave’s brother took a picture of the guy’s back.

  As for the foods that I ate, every year I try to get something I’ve never had before. This year, it was shark smothered in a tomato sauce. It was good, but pretty much just tasted like seafood, which makes sense since most sharks tend to live in the sea. Also I tried some gator, which was good too but probably not worth the cost of the gator since it was $4 for a piece of gator about the size of a flacid penis. I also had some other steak stuff in between two plantains. It sucked. Once again though, the best food I had might have been the simplest; Italian ice. It was so good, I had it at least twice.

  The weather was ok. We have been going for 12 or 13 years and this was the first time it had ever rained. And it never did more than drizzle for a good half hour, enough for people to bust out their ponchos and umbrellas. The threat of rain was there the whole time though.

  As for the concert, the lead singer of the band left the Ladies earlier this year. The show was not the same or as good without him, but it was still entertaining. I guess we will just have to wait until both he and the band realize that they can make more money together than apart.

  We wound up having seats for the concert. We were close enough to be able to good a halfway decent look at them, but not close enough to make out their faces. Part of the problem was that the entire time, this couple of front of us stood. Sure, everybody stood for the first song or two. But most people sat down after that. Not these fuckers though. This was my view for the times when I chose to sit down:

  

  When I was sitting down, I put my feet on their chairs. Honestly it didn’t matter. They never sat down. They also never noticed me do it. Furthermore, I think they failed to notice anybody else besides the band. Hell, I didn’t pay all this money to stare at their backs for……………..wait, shit, I forgot, I didn’t pay anything for the concert. Still, it would have been nice if they had sat down for just a song or two. If I had brought my cattle prod I’m sure they would have had no problem sitting down. Then again, I don’t own a cattle prod. I don’t even know how to spell cattle prod.

  We wound up not even leaving the Taste until about 8:40. It was the longest amount of time we spent at the Taste in years. It was also the first time Jt had gone with us in 5 years. He used to go with us every year but he and I had a falling out that lasted until last summer. It was never quite the same without him there. As I sat in the back of the minivan gazing out the window on the ride home, I reflected on the day. With the food and Jt being back in the fold, the band and being able to use Dave’s giant brother as a marker every time I got separated from the rest of the group, I thought this year was the best Taste we ever had.

  It would have been better had I punched the viewblockers in the kidney and made them sit down.

  I swear I’m not a violent person. But honestly, sit the fuck down already They weren’t even dancing. Or moving. Or singing. They were doing nothing. So why not do nothing while sitting, its a helluva a lot more comfortable.

  • 10:47 pm
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