August 26, 2009

• It Turns Out There IS Crying In Baseball

  Well its that time of year again in which the Little League World Series is played. I’ve written about this before and how I really am a cold, sadistic, immature bastard. You see those kids playing baseball and whenever they fuck up, they start to cry. Normal people of the human being variety feel sorry for the kid and are empathetic or sympathetic with the crying 12 year old. Not me though. Nope. I laugh. I can’t help but find it funny. I don’t know why I find it funny, I just do. I’ve never been a good athlete in the least; in fact, I can relate to those kids because I have fucked up so many times in every sport I’ve ever played. But, I’ve also always been an emotionless robot, so therefore, I’ve never cried when I fucked up, even as a boy, not that I played a lot of sports growing up. Now it if isn’t bad enough and embarrassing enough for the kid to fuck up and then to cry, ESPN compounds the matter by focusing on the kid. The camera seems to show the kid for what seems like an eternity either on the field or in the dugout crying. Hell, I thought I was an asshole for laughing, but I’m not nearly as bad as the ESPN director of the televised games who says “Camera 4, stay with the kid. Wait for the tears. Now zoom in. Nice and close. Keep going towards the kid’s face. We are going to show this for such a long time that it will make the kid’s life a veritable hell once he returns to school from summer break. We can do this though. We are ESPN!” Meanwhile, the kids back home are just sitting back waiting for the crying kid to get back home so they can really let him have it. And yet we wonder why so many kids are depressed or in therapy.

  I was thinking about it though and kids play with toys until they are about 12 or 13 years old. They spend their whole lives wanting the newest and best toys. For the first 8 or 9 years, they beg Santa to bring them the toys. Then they find out that their parents have been lying to them and there is no Santa. So, they start bugging their parents for the toys. The toys cost money and a lot of time break really easily. And how many times do you spend tons of money to buy a kid a fuckin toy and they play with it for a week and then they are pretty much done with it and it goes by the wayside, never to be played again. And then finally, boys turn about 12 or 13. Its right about then when they discover the greatest toy ever. A toy that will be more fun and bring them more joy and pleasure than all the other toys combined. And what’s funny is that it didn’t cost anything and it turns out that the damn thing has been dangling between his legs his entire life. I speak of the cock! They discover the cock and what they can do with the cock and how it totally blows everything else away. And they can’t get enough of the damn thing. They are always playing with it, every chance they get. All of a sudden, none of the other toys matter anymore. Its like the boy says “Fuck you G.I. Joe, I don’t need you anymore, I’ve got my penis to provide me with all the entertainment I could ever need!” But, like anything, sooner or later, they have to take it to the next level. They become so amazed and so obsessed with this new toy that they need to start sharing it with others. After a couple of years, they start actively and constantly seeking out others to play with it for them. They want others to see how much joy and fun the toy has brought to their lives. They want others to experience the joy. And that is when the great obsession begins to find a companion piece to their toy.

  This my friends is pretty much the story of every guy’s life, doesn’t matter if he is gay or straight, he spends the first 12 years playing with toys that are just a warm up for the real thing and then spends the rest of his life trying to find others to play with. See its really kind of the opposite in a weird way. When you are a boy, you want as many toys as you can get. And you don’t want to share them with anybody. You want them all to yourself, fuck everybody else. And you want to keep on getting more and more and bigger and better. When you grow up, you want to share your toy with everybody. And you don’t care who plays with it, as long as its being used. But, the more things change the more they stay the same, because you still want it to keep getting bigger and better! Until finally it stops working and you wind up humiliated and crying in front of people because you played with it so much that you broke it. And those same kids who laughed at you when you cried on national tv during the Little League World Series are laughing at you yet again. Jeez, no wonder why so many adults are depressed and in therapy.

  • 11:55 pm
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