August 31, 2009

• I’m Dying………

  ………..just like everybody else in the world, every day brings me one day closer to death. I’ve decided that should I make it to a really old age, like 35 or something like that, I know how I want to go. Wait, did I say 35? Hmmm, that’s only a year away. Maybe 80. Let’s say 80. If I live to be 90, I’ve decided that I’m going to fly to England and be killed by Stonehenge. How can one be killed by Stonehenge you ask? Well, I’m going to push one of the rock over and then stand next to the last one and wait for the domino effect. What’s that you ask, how the hell could I be strong enough to push one of those massive stones over? Well the way I see it, I seem to be getting stronger and stronger then older I get. I mean, I’m a lot stronger than I was when I was a baby, the way i figure it at this rate by the time I’m 90, I’ll be the strongest person who ever lived, making some mere stone no match for a 90 year old brute such as myself. And what a way to go. How many people can say Stonehenge killed them? Uhhh, none! So I can be the one and only person to ever be killed by Stonghenge. And by the time I reach 90, I will be all old and frail and senile and probably weak, not to mention impotent, so I’m thinkin’ that I would have lived a long life and probably ready to go at that point. And shit, you have to go sometime, why not by some legendary, mystical think that has baffled people for thousands of years. Plus, in the process of taking myself out, I will be taking Stonehenge out. Its a win-win situation.

  Speaking of death, Senator Ted Kennedy died. I haven’t heard any of the evil Republicans say anything bad about his death yet, but I’m sure if I wait long enough, somebody asshole like Rush Limbaugh or Glenn Beck will say something stupid like Kennedy is faking his cancer and subsequent death just to prove that we need health care reform. Now I know you might be thinking that I’m being an asshole, but honestly, these are Republicans, would you put it past Ann Coulter to say something like that? Honestly, I can just picture Beck going on the air (I can picture as opposed to watch it because I would never sink so low as to actually watch Beck) to start some sort of rant about how evil Obama and his health plan is, getting so upset that he starts crying and then says that Kennedy faked the whole damn thing.

  I swear, these Republicans are so fuckin evil and despicable that really really fuckin hate them. Now I know that none of them said that he faked it and I’m just makin shit up, but the mere fact that I can find it even semi plausible that those fuckers can make something like that up goes to show you how truly evil they are.

  Oh, and don’t worry, I’ll have plenty to say about the Democrats. But that is a post for another day, perhaps tomorrow or Wednesday. Right now I have to work on making sure Limbaugh never makes it to Stonehenge. After all, that fat fuck could easily put down the whole thing.

  • 11:11 pm
  • 1 Comment