December 1, 2009

• Vacation? More Like Crazcation!!!

  Usually when I go on vacation I like to go back and summarize the whole thing. I know, that’s kinda lame, but hell if you don’t know by now that I’m kinda lame, well then I can’t help you. Now this wasn’t a typical vacation of mine in that I didn’t take an extensive trip, how ever some crazy shit did happen to me. Ok, maybe some of the stuff didn’t happen to me. And some of the stuff was caused by me. And some stuff I just witnessed. Still, it was definitely out there. And perhaps I’ve already written about all of this or some of it, but hey, I was having a little bit of writers block. But just look at this shit:

  • My vacation started on Friday November 20th at 6:30pm. Within an hour I was finishing the dinner of a lady I met just minutes ago for the first time. And I mean minutes. I was introduced to her by my friend Jt and I sat down next to her. She offered me the rest of her sandwich that was cut in half. I don’t think she thought I would take her up on it. She was wrong.
  • Later that night at the casino, I saw a nearly robotic dude playing two $5 slot machines at the same time and betting the max bet each time. He must have lost two grand in the 15 minutes we were watching him.
  • I was hit in the side of the face with a pack of cigarettes for winning a video game. I was told it was an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. Honestly, I wasn’t rubbing it in anymore than I had it rubbed in myself the years I had lost said game.
  • I got a speeding ticket.
  • I sat at the Illinois governor’s desk.
  • A cabdriver we had spent so much of the drive turned around looking at us that he was weaving over the center lane and wound up missing several turns.
  • The next cabdriver we had bored us to death with shit we didn’t care about. Ok, so maybe this isn’t odd, but honestly when you put the 2 cabbies together have you ever had two cabbies talk to you this much? After all, cabbies are supposed to be anti social and barely able to speak English.
  • Learned the benefits of a GPS system.
  • At a friend’s house on Sunday, I threw a stuffed cushion football at the back of the head of an unknowing 12 year old who tilted his head down at just the right time to look at a text message. Unfortunately for me and the owner of the house, the ball missed the kid and knocked down a couple of shot glasses that had something in them, not only breaking the glasses but also spilling the whiskey onto the back of the owner’s 9 year old son. Yeah, I felt like a total asshole for that one. Kinda makes me wonder just which one of us was the 12 year old, me or the actual 12 year old.

  And that’s not even everything. I left a couple of things out. Oh sure, this might not sound like a lot, but keep in mind that for 2 of the days on my vacation I pretty much didn’t do a thing.

  • 10:33 pm
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