January 19, 2010
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A Historic Trilogy
As you may know from my December 14th and January 4th posts, I'm reading a book about American history. When we last left off, I was about 180 pages into the book. Well, now I'm 317 pages into the book and have picked up the pace a tad, I'm now reading 9 pages a day. At this pace, I should be done right around the time the Democrats pass a health care bill! Wait, that's never going to happen. When I last left off, I was right around the start of the Civil War. Anywho, here is what I have learned in the last 137 pages:
- Abraham Lincoln thought his wife was kidding when she told him to duck.
- Ulysses S Grant appointed a special task force to find out what the S in his middle name stood for. When he couldn't come up with an answer, he attacked Poland.
- In 1860 the Democrats announce that they are going to pass a health care reform bill before the 2040 election.
- Theodore Roosevelt becomes the first president to lose the Tonight Show to Jay Leno.
- Woodrow Wilson becomes president because 78% of the population confused him for that volleyball in Castaway.
- Alexander Graham Bell invents the telephone. Five minutes later he is interrupted during dinner by some jackbag selling term life insurance.
- Aquaman and a team of illegal immigrants build the Panama canal.
Ohhh, aren't you excited about what I have learned so far? And I know you can't wait until I write the next post!! Damn if I'm not careful this whole thing will become an internet sensation!
Comments (4)
funny funny
I wish i was actually learning something from these posts! Sometimes I can't tell which part you're kidding and which part is true....how sad is that..LOL
really? well damn, they must not be funny enough if you can't tell which is true and which is make believe. honestly, the truth is probably too damn sad. we have not been the best of nations over our 234 year history, we have committed a ton of atrocities that would make you ashamed to be an American. I was planning on doing a serious post about what I have learned so far, but after yesterday's post I don't want to be too much of a bring down.
Aquaman is probably the only one of his group that has a reputation equal to his actual usefulness, which is very little. Hah.