March 1, 2010

• A Historic Six Pack

  I'm sure you remember from my December 14th, January 4th, January 19th, February 3rd and February 16th posts, I'm reading a book about American history called "Don't Know Much About History". I'm on the door step of finally being done with the book. I should get technical though, I still have to read a couple of sections about the U.S. Constitution and the presidents and then I will be done. But the shit about the history of the country, well, that is all done. Since I'm pretty much all done, I don't have to bore you with details of how many pages I've read since I last posted or how many pages I'm averaging a day. We last left off in the early 1980s up until about page 524. Now I'm on page 597. So what have I learned in the past 75 pages or so?

  • Bill Clinton was so horny that he routinely fucked a jar of Welch's Grape Jelly while Monica Lewinsky was away.
  • Michael Jackson and Lionel Ritchie wrote "We Are The World" while completely wasted on paint thinner.
  • America's first war with Iraq was fought in part because Saddam Hussein was trying to get Kuwait to create a Happy Days musical with Dana Plato as the Fonz.
  • For the first 73 days he was in office, George W Bush thought that it was his dad who was president.
  • For some reason, American history ended after 2002.

  So that is American history people, be sure to go back and read all the other posts in case you missed any that way you can learn all you need to know about American history. Don't worry though, I will be summarizing it in a post hopefully tomorrow. Actually, you know what, fuck that, go back and read the other posts you bastards!

  • 10:42 pm
  • 1 Comment