May 12, 2010

• These Are Days

  Last night I went to the Cubs game, but they fucking lost again so I won't waste anymore words on "the idiots in blue" (as my brother called them) for this post.

  Tonight was my niece's preschool graduation. The crazy thing was that it was held in a small auditorium in the high school I graduated in. They had a ceremony complete with the kids wearing graduation gowns, hats and tassels, graduation music and diplomas. They called each kid down to get their diploma and asked them what they wanted to be when they grow up. I found the whole thing..............well, not to sound too much like a dick, but I found it a bit much for a preschool graduation. I mean, aren't kids expected to graduate preschool? I don't know if it is good or bad that they have a whole graduation ceremony for preschool, hell I guess its a nice thing for the kids and all, but I have to wonder, and please correct me if I'm wrong, if it lowers the bar and expectations for the kids. Of course, I'm also not a parent, so I should probably keep my mouth shut.

  It was surreal though to be with Mark's kids (Mark is my twin brother) in our old high school. When I first got there, before the ceremony started, I dragged Mark away so that we can walk the halls of the school. In this one section of the school hangs the class picture of each graduating class. We found our year and looked at the group of people and laughed. I also walked around the school after the ceremony as well and it was just so weird. For starters, the auditorium, class rooms, lunchroom, hallways, hell, everything seemed much smaller than I remembered it. I wouldn't say I have a lot of fond memories of high school, but I don't have a lot of bad memories either. To be honest, I was pretty much just a nobody in high school, except for the fact that Mark and I were known kind of as a package deal because we were twins, however most people didn't know which was Mark and which was Mike even though we don't look alike.

  I also found it kind of sad that outside of Mark and his best friend Rusty, I really don't keep in touch with anybody I knew in high school. I've either grown apart from all of them or just stopped being friends with them for various reasons. And while it was certainly kind of cool to go back, it also leaves me with a.............weird feeling. I mean, when you are four or five like those kids graduating or even in high school, you have the future in your hands. Anything is possible. You always imagine what life will be like when you get older. And while I certainly am still young, I am now older, but this is not anything like how I thought my life would be. Not that its a bad thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sad about my station in life, its just that I could have never pictured my life being the way it is. I was walking those halls tonight and it was almost like being right back in high school 20 years ago. Shit, where does it all go? You look up and all of a sudden, you are in your mid 30s and you are wondering to yourself "holy shit, that was fast, its like I was just in this damn school last year." I guess what I'm saying is that I don't want to look back on my life in 20 years and say "well fuck, that was a waste". I want more out of life. I just don't know how to get it.

  • 11:18 pm
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