September 28, 2010

• YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

  So remember my previous post? Shit, I sure as hell hope you remember my previous post, it was just two days ago and if you look a penis length above this sentence you will see my previous post. So I've been telling everybody about Dexter and Meryl Streep and the whole reading emails for the past 11 years and shit. Well my friend Danielle Day Lewis and I were telling people at work about it. Most people found it to be creepy, odd, and wrong. Except for one guy. Let's call him Tricky Dick. I call him that because he is a hardcore Republican. And he is full Polish and therefore I imagine him having a really big and thick dick. And then there is the paranoia which I will explain. And he is very argumentive, I swear he argues with me about EVERYTHING. That being said, he is not a bad guy and I do enjoy debating him. But, I digress.

  After Dick Tracy found out the story he had a unique perspective on the whole situation. And by unique perspective, I mean totally fucking nuts. He asked how do we know that the guy was telling the truth. Even after we explained to him that Dexter admitted reading the emails and Dexter and Meryl Streep have not had any contact in the past few years and yet he knew all sorts of things about her life that he couldn't possibly know, he still did not believe it saying that, among other things, he only believes about 70% of what people say. I was totally taken aback by this, here you have a guy who admitted to reading somebody's emails for the past 11 years and Dick Clark doesn't believe him. I told him that we were going to a haunted corn maze this weekend and he said he didn't believe us. Seriously, why would somebody lie about something like that? He went on to tell me that as a liberal I don't live in the real world but instead a fantasy world with hope and shit like that and that I shouldn't be so gullible and believe everything people tell me.

  I spent the better part of the rest of the day making fun of him not only to his face a few times, but mainly to Danielle Day Lewis, because, well, he deserved it. I said stuff like suppose he was fucking a chick and she started to scream that she was about to cum would he tell her that he doesn't believe her? Talk about a fucking orgasm killing buzz kill.

  I swear I don't know how somebody could go through life like that and not believe most of what people tell you. Now don't get me wrong, I can usually tell when somebody is bullshitting me, but common sense tells me that somebody is not going to lie about something like reading somebody's emails. And why would I lie about going to a fucking corn maze? Not that I'm really bothered by this whole thing because honestly, I find it more funny than anything else.

  • 11:17 pm
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