November 24, 2010

  • Remember my post from October 4, 2010? No? Didn't read it? Well fuck you then! I guess I will just have to give a brief synopsis. Turns out, I killed a man in cold blood. See, there was this 89 year old man who looked at me and smiled while I was walking down the street. I didn't like that as nobody should ever be allowed to make eye contact with me, what with my perfection and all. So first I pushed him down the stairs, but he only broke a hip. So I broke into his nursing home and poisoned his farina with cyanide. 10 days later after violent diarrhea I went back over there and held a pillow over his mouth for 45 minutes. Oh sure, he fought me off but in the process he gave himself a heart attack and died. Because of this little, tiny, minuscule transgression, THE MAN handed down a stiff and severe penalty: I had to spend a night in traffic school.

    So last night was when my punishment was to be carried out from 6pm until 10pm. I arrived at the school promptly  at 5:45 am. I wanted to make sure I was on time, what with it being a 90 second drive from my house. So I camped out in front of the school the entire day, harassing people as they walked into the school. I may have tripped a pregnant lady. Finally 12 hours later class began and I was only 38 minutes late!

    The class had a total of 31 people, some of them hot. This one girl was probably only 18 but a total blond flake. She seemed hot though. It was hilarious. I was in between two hot guys and behind another hot guy. Wow, this is punishment? Shit, I should murder more people in cold blood.

    Then the class started. The teacher was a local cop. He decided not to wear pants. It made things kinda awkward for a while, but eventually we got used to it. Oh and it wound up being kinda boring, I mean except for the sex in the back of the room. We did get to end about 45 minutes early, which was nice, the only condition was that we had to help put the teacher's pants on.