January 9, 2011
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My Big Year
I know everybody has probably already done their lame review of their year already and it is kinda odd to do it now that the year has only 51 weeks left in it, but I’ve been busy and wanted to post about other things. So without further adieu, here is a recap of 2011:
I started the year in New York City. Oh, what a great motherfucking time that was, I can’t believe a full week has already passed by. Honestly, where does the time go, I mean it seems like just yesterday we were fighting through the harshness of early January weather as opposed to now, the harshness of early, late January weather.
Today I burned the painful living fuck out of my hand by touching the handle of a pan while I was cooking breakfast. See, every now and then I am prone to bouts of extreme stupidity and this was one of……………..wait. Wait just one fucking minute. I just realized that it is probably pointless for me to do a recap of 2011, shit, it is not even 10 days old. I guess I should recap last fucking year, 2010.
By the way, my new year’s resolution was to use the f word and is many variations, like motherfucking, fucker, fucko and fucking more often.
So about 20motherfucking10? I know for a lot of people, especially Congressional Democrats, it was a really bad fucking year. Not for me though. Overall, it was one of my best years, at least in the top 50 of all of my years, which is really saying something, especially since I’m only 35.
I rang in 20fucko10 with a small gathering of people at a friend’s house. Honestly, it was kind of lame, especially since one of my friends made it a point to explain how my life was not as great as his because I did not have kids to sit there and complain about for 3 fucking hours. The next day I decided that I would make my next New Year’s Eve way better. I would throw a huge New Year’s Eve bash. Or do the unrealistic and unthinkable; be in Times Square. Yeah, fucking right, Times Square, like that is actually going to happen.
One of my goals of the year was to do the impossible: plan a family reunion on my mom’s side of the family. This was impossible for many reasons, the least of which being that most of my mom’s family hates me. But, somehow, I forged on with planning. Long story short, it culminated with the highlight of my year: not getting murdered at the family reunion I actually planned in August. Everything could not go any smoother, which is damn rare in my mother’s family. Of course, it was certainly helpful that the biggest troublemaker of it all could not attend on the account of him being dead. Maybe next year.
My sister and her two daughter’s came out from Colorado to stay with me for a week. Not only was I able to plan a successful vacation for me and my siblings, I also finally was able to have us sit for a family portrait. Maybe next time I can get everybody to smile.
Well shit, I haven’t used the f word in two paragraphs. Fuck me.
Throughout most of the year, I never thought about refinancing my house, yet when the motherfucking opportunity presented itself in October like a waiting hooker with her ass cheeks spread open, I took it and ran with it. Two months later I successfully refinanced my house at an interest rate that was 38 points higher than I was paying before. Way to go me, and a big fuck you to logic!
Speaking of October, I had what some would deem a relatively successful Halloween party, however I don’t recall me having much if any sex at that party, so honestly, how successful could it actually have been?
Shit, no f word again.
And fina-fucking-ly, it turns out I did make it to Times Square this year, who would have thought it? The year ended with me doing something 100% totally different than it had become with a whole bunch of fucking shit in between. Yay for 2010! Bring on 2011!! Fuck yeah!
