February 20, 2011

  • The Nothing Weekend

    I didn't have much to do this weekend. And by much I mean nothing. And by nothing, I mean everything. A good friend of mine was celebrating a birthday on Saturday so she wanted to go out to breakfast with a group of people to Flat Top Grill. For those of you not familiar with Flat Top, it is one of those places in which the owners and staff are really lazy so they have you choose what ingredients you want in your meal and they cook it for you, that way if it turns out bad than you have nobody to blame but yourself. Now, you may hear rumors all over the world wide interwebs that I may have humped the leg of our waitress while waiting for our food, but I'm not going to admit or deny if that is true. Just keep in mind she seemed to have a calf the size of the leg of a pool table.

    After breakfast I went shopping with myself and managed to "shop" all over the fitting room. Ohhhhh, it was WONDERFUL!! I may have even gotten a deal or two out of the whole thing, but yadda, yadda, yadda, my public indecency trial starts in the fall.

    Last night I had a chance to do something I haven't been able to do in years: watch the NBA All Star Saturday Night. You might not know this, but due to a recent rule change, the NBA has switched from basketballs to bowling balls this season. This has made for painfully funny hilarity when it comes to the chest pass and ally oops. Oh, and players are now jumping over cars if they want to slam dunk.

    Couldn't stay up too late last night, as I had to set the alarm for 4:30 A.M. for some good old fashioned Sunday morning family fun. Looking for something fun to do? Well, let me tell you, if you want to have the best time of your life, this is what you do. You start with a six pack of malt liquor. Then you set the alarm for 4:30 on a Sunday morning. Next you go outside wearing nothing but one strategically placed sock. You go to all your neighbor's houses, wake them up and invite them over to watch you pay your bills while naked and drinking malt liquor. See, this is what I do every month when it's check writin' time! Oh, the fun we have. It is my way of giving back to my neighbors and the community after taking so much all these years. People love it though. Let me tell you something, you have not lived until you have seen me drunk and naked paying bills!

    So, how was your weekend?