February 28, 2011
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Dr. Freeze
About a year ago I noticed three warts on my right ring finger. So I bought some shit to try to have them removed but it was a fruitless endeavor. I told myself that if they did not go away by the end of the year, I would have my doctor send me to a dermatologist to have them professionally removed. Well, that appointment wound up being today.
I arrived not only prompt, but as usual, early. Actually, 15 minutes early to be exact as there was paperwork to fill out and the nurses wanted to have sex with me. So after that was all done, I sat and waited in the waiting room until 15 minutes after the appointment was to start. Finally I was called back and put into a smaller room where the nurse asked me a couple of questions before feeling me up. She told me they would take care of this and left.
Five whole minutes later the doctor shows up. He was a little creepy looking, he reminded me Mr. Freeze. He was tall, thin, and mostly bald. He told me that they would freeze the fuck out of the warts with this container of some really fucking cold shit and it would hurt a little bit. I instantly started to cry; sob uncontrollably really, after all, nobody told me there was going to be pain. So he starts to spray the shit out of my finger and it gets so cold that it breaks off. Now its on the floor and my penis sees this, so it gets scared and frozen and it falls off. The nurse, she passes the fuck out and the doctor he just stands there with a cryptic look on his face, cackling a horror like laugh like the evil genius he is!
So I look down at my penis. Poor lil’ guy, all scared down there wondering what the hell happened. I mean, you have to feel sorry for the cock, here he is only an inch and a half at best and now he is missing from the rest of the body, useless as the day is long while searching for the finger. I can’t blame him, I mean what is life without another finger to help bring out your best.
Now the nurse, she comes to and by this time all pandemonium has broken loose. The tornado sirens are going off because that is the way whenever a penis goes missing. There is an emergency evacuation of the hospital that the office is connected to because they are afraid that the crazy doctor is going to go ape shit and start freezing off everybody’s dicks, even if they are girls and have chick dicks. Meanwhile, all of the television and radio stations have gone dark because of the panic in the doctors room.
The doctor than tells me that the warts will blister up and eventually fall off and sends me on my way. Later on at work, I’m walking and the blister bursts open like a fire hose, killing three people and blinding 45 more. Once again all hell breaks loose, capped off by the vending machine guy who uses his super human vending machine strength to throw the vending machine at me.
All this for three warts.
Damnit. That reminds me, I forgot to stop off on the way home from work to pick up my penis. Meh…………..I’ll just have them overnight it to me. No, that might cost too much. They can just send it normal mail.
Comments (2)
I had warts frozen off when i was a kid…a couple on my knees and one on the bottom of my foot. OMG, the one on the bottom of my foot hurt like a bitch! But no more warts! And once you get a couple, they can spread so it’s good you got them removed. I also had some on my fingers, but was given some gel stuff and had to wrap them at night and it took care of them, but they were small.
I almost had a wart, but at the last minute the doctor discovered that I have perfect skin.