June 7, 2011

• The Do Nothing Plan

  I was reading another Xanga site,(it was pennylumpkins to be exact) recently of somebody who is a fellow Atheist and it got me to thinking. Why don't we Atheists recruit or promote ourselves more? Look, pretty much every other religion has their ways of getting attention. Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses go door to door. Other denominations of Christianity advertise on t.v., radio, in magazines or even billboards. Yet really nothing from us. And when you think about it, it should be really easy to recruit people to Atheism. Just look at the benefits:

  • You don't have to do jack shit. Many of the world's religions preach that you have to pray umpteen times a day or pretend to read some sort of holy book or spread the word while in reality people don't do any of that shit, with Atheism you can do jack shit and feel good about it. It's all of the jack shit, with none of the guilt.
  • Sleep in on Sundays. If you are like me, Sundays are the hardest day of the week to get up early because I'm always up late the night before; the last thing I want to do is get up early and rush off to some building, dog ass tired and possibly hung over to listen to somebody preach about how I'm going to Hell for 10 minutes before I fall asleep only to be woken up by people singing in a creepy, cultish manner. But with Atheism, while the God fearing are getting home from church, I'm getting out of bed. It's fucking great!
  • Fuck who you want, how you want and when you want. Most religions have some sorta of sexual guidebook that says premarital sex, gay sex, oral sex, tittie fuck sex, hand sex or any other non missionary sex that leads to procreation sex is wrong. With Atheism you don't have a book that tells you jack shit, you just drink until the alcohol says they are fuckable. And feel free to use any hole you want; they are all open for any consenting adults.
  • No giving credit to any make believe God when shit finally goes your fucking way. Ever notice how people always give thanks to God/Allah/Jebus when they survive a earthquake, manage some how not to joke to death at KFC, or when they hit a game winning homerun but yet never blame that very same other worldly being for shit that goes bad? Well, with Atheism, you give credit to the person who actually hit you that game winning homer: yourself. Of course, on the other hand, if shit goes bad, you have nobody to blame but yourself.
  • Nobody can call you a hypocrite when you preach to follow your holy book, yet you fail to even come close to living up to your own moral standard as set forth by the said holy book. You have no holy book; all you have to follow is the law and guess what, if you don't follow the law than your ass winds up in fucking jail, not in the afterlife but right fucking now. And by right now, I mean after the evidence is gathered, you await a trial that finds you guilty and you get sent away for years.

  Okay, so those are just a few of the selling points I came up with for now. Honestly, when you compare it to the other religions, it really should be an easy choice. Hell, you don't even have to do anything, just stop doing what you are already doing. Shit, we are Americans, being lazy and doing nothing should come easy!

  • 10:18 pm
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