October 3, 2011

• There's Something About Mikey

  Do you people have any idea how hard it is to be a sexy adonis that people can not get enough of? Let me just give you a taste. A few months ago I wrote a post about a lady at work who possibly likes me. The verdict was that she indeed likes me. Actually, I can't remember the verdict, but I'm gonna go ahead and say that she likes me. Well, another girl at work found this out and said that she was going to start doing things to make the other girl (who sits right near me) jealous. So she kept coming over there and making comments and whatnot. But, her plan to make the other girl jealous turned out to likely be a rouse and I'm being told that she too actually likes me. How do I know this you ask? Well, she is always making comments to me even when the other girl isn't around. And a few weeks ago she said something to me that made it pretty damn obvious to everybody I told the story to (and to another lady who witnessed this awkward interaction) that she indeed likes me.

  So I was standing there talking to another co worker when this girl who probably likes me came up and asked me if I had gained weight lately. I asked her why she thought that and she said she noticed that I was wearing my belt on the next loosest notch. Seriously, why would she notice this unless she was looking at my, well, cock. When I pointed it out that it was odd that she was looking at my crotch she got all defensive. Later on she told somebody that she was distracted into looking at my belt buckle because the sun was reflecting off of it. Sound plausible? Well, that would make sense................if my back wasn't to the window!

  Then there is the story of the lady who is probably 20 years older then me. She is always telling me how much she loves me and giving me food and what not. No biggie right? Then she tells me that she has recently left her husband. And then a short while later she tells me that she can really use a massage. Seriously. Seriously, what the fucking fuck? And then there is another recently divorced lady who is about 10 years older then me who is overly friendly to me and asked a friend of mine why I'm single because "I'm such a great catch." I'm not convinced the last two ladies like me, but do find it awfully fucking odd the stuff they have said to or about me.

  Then there is another lady at work who is a total fucking bitch and who nobody likes. She is really nosy and just a first rate, grade A bitch. So the other day I was talking to a friend of mine who sits near her and I was pretending that I thought cows laid eggs. Obviously, I know they don't, but it was funny to watch everybody's reaction to me saying this. Even though the bitch was on the phone, she interrupted herself to say that cows do not lay eggs. And she said it in the most condescending way, oblivious to my dry sense of humor. So today I decided that I would say something really stupid everyday just to try to annoy the shit out of her. Today I said that apples grow out of the ground. She didn't react to this, but she might not have heard me. Either way, I think it's safe to say this lady doesn't like me; I just though that was a funny story to share.

  • 11:18 pm
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