January 8, 2012

  • Proud As Mud

    The other night I was at a local bar that I frequent with some friends and although I don't smoke, I always go outside with my friend (I should mention here in IL you can't smoke in public buildings) so she doesn't have to smoke alone. While we were out there talking, this guy who happened to be black (this is a big part of the story, you will understand later) overheard us talking and asked if were married because he said there was a connection between us. Of course we told him no but then started up a conversation with him about traveling and different places. We were talking about California and San Diego in particular when he said "Oh you don't want to go there, ain't nothing but a bunch of fags there." I quickly blurted out "That's okay though because I'm gay." He was stunned. And more than just a little taken aback by by response. He instantly apologized "if I offended you" as he did not realize or expect me to be gay.

    This started us on a conversation about being gay. He spent a good part of the night kind of kissing my ass because he felt bad about offending me. Although I was offended, I did not show it so much, taking it in good stride as I saw it as my duty to open his mind and influence him to not be homophobic, which he admitted he was. He even told me that he has a sister who is a lesbian but the whole family disowned her because of it. He said that he was from the south side of Chicago and was a gangbanger and being gay in a gang would get you killed. He also said in the black community homosexuality is NEVER ACCEPTED, all of which I knew. I explained to him that being gay was not a choice which of course he disagreed with. So I asked him when he decided to be straight to which he said he has always been about the pussy to which I replied "well since I was about 12 or 13 I have been about the cock but wondered what the fuck was wrong with me since I was not about the pussy". He said I was brave and admired by honesty.

    The conversation evolved into a comparison of gay civil rights and black civil rights. He was bothered by the fact that gays try to compare their struggle for rights with blacks struggle for rights. I explained to him that while it is different there are a lot of similarities but as I saw a gay black person write on a message board, "it is sometimes harder to be gay than to be black, after all, I never had to come out to my mom as being black." He was stunned to find out that there were gay black people.

    As the night went on he kept on offering to by me a drink to make up for offending me, but I was driving so I didn't want anything to drink. Call me crazy, but although he was a total homophobe, I actually found the guy kind of likable and not without hope. He was also playing a lot of music in the jukebox that you wouldn't expect a black person to play, such as Aerosmith and Eric Clapton. He was also a big fan of the blues which I like as well. While we were talking a little bit about music, he told me something that I did not believe: his dad was blues legend Muddy Waters. I asked him several times if he was serious and he said yes. I then asked him how his dad was and he said that he died in 1983. Now I knew this couldn't be true, I know Muddy Waters is still alive. I did, however, feel like quite an asshole when he said that, proving that he was not the only one who could embarrass himself.

    In spite of the fact that we were getting along fine, I still felt very uncomfortable being around this guy. I left the bar a short while later and Googled Muddy Waters as soon as I got home. I found out that of course as I knew, Waters live in Chicago for many years before dying in 1983 in the suburb of Westmont which was not all that far from where I live. I also saw pictures of him and guess the fuck what, the guy I spent much of the night talking to looked pretty much like him. Holy shit, he was probably telling the truth.

    This was an unusual night for me though. I actually felt pretty proud of myself for several reasons; one for not flipping out on him when I found out he was a bigot towards gays. Of course, it also helps that he would have totally kicked my ass. But, I also was not afraid to go debate him on the issue in spite of being exactly what he hates. And, I'm proud that I at least might have had somewhat of an influence on him.

Comments (8)

  • That's crazy--you never know what can come up from talking to a total stranger. I'm sure you did have an influence on him since you two got along so well. I didn't know that it was NEVER accepted in the black community. Interesting.

  • yeah, blacks have a huge problem with gays. I believe it is because so many blacks are religious and as we know, most religions frown upon homosexuality and look upon it is immoral and wrong. Sadly, homophobia has roots in the bible and other religious texts which is why so many gays are either Atheist or Agnostic as it is hard to support and believe in a group that says you are going to hell.

  • Good for you!  Way to take the higher road, and hopefully, when he's faced with the situation again, he'll remember you and remember that being a homophobe douchenozzle really isn't cool.

    Honestly, I hope he really thinks about his stance on homosexuality after his conversation with you.  Way to keep your cool!

  • lol, douchenozzle. in addition, I hope that our conversation makes him think twice about the poor treatment of his sister and that maybe this will encourage him to forge a relationship with her. Of course, that is the egomaniac in me and very arrogant to think that I could have that much of an effect on somebody whom I only had contact with briefly, but one can certainly hope, right?

  • Wow, i am so proud of you. I know you have not come out to a lot of people in your life, so to come out to a complete stranger like that take a lot of guts!! I'm sure you did change his outlook. That's kind of cool about Muddy Waters. You never know, you could have changed this guys relationship with his sister for the better. I think in life we can do really small things that make a huge impact. It's like meeting a religious person who is really open minded....oh wait...

    Anyway, i love this story. I've stuck my foot in my mouth before with Mormons. I didn't know my audience and started talking badly about the religion. Then i find out one woman is Mormon....whoops. I always try to tread lightly with any issue in front of someone i don't know well.

  • Wow- you handled it a lot better than I would have, and I'm straight. I don't get how people can just blurt stuff out like that and not be totally embarrassed! Sometimes, without meaning to, I stereotype certain people and realize later how stupid I sounded. I can't imagine telling total strangers that, though. Geez. Idiot.

    I knew black people were really homophobic....Which I think is odd. They know first hand what discrimination feels like. Actually, my sister and I were at the mall a few weeks ago and we wanted to see how people would react if we would just hold hands (my sister and I look nothing alike). We held hands around the mall for about 30 minutes and I couldn't believe the looks we were getting! People were either staring and pointing or they were trying hard not to look. And we were JUST holding hands. I can't imagine what peoples reactions would be if we were actually affectionate.

  • You may think you are being an egomaniac by thinking maybe you will better his relationship with his sister, but its little things that like that you will never know how big of an impact they have... and you very well may have done some good on some level... He learned you were not all that different from him, and maybe your angle to him about "choosing to be straight" will sink in and he'll really change his thoughts. I, too, didn't know about the black thing. Weird. The religious part about that makes sense, but then I'd have to mention all the gangs and violence and such that goes on with their families usually protecting them... so... idk...

    I'm sure that was hard to sort of confront a stranger about your sexual orientation, scary since he was a big guy. Good job! And how cool that he could've been the son of someone so famous!

  • I've never quite understood how it is anybody elses business if people are gay.

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