May 13, 2012

• Miketego Bay Part 2

  Saturday morning started pretty much the same way as every other day on the trip: breakfast buffet and hanging out in and around the pool. One of the things that made the day so different and special was that one of the bridesmaids and her boyfriend went para-sailing. While in the air, he busts an engagement ring out of his pocket and proposes to her in what was the coolest engagement story I have ever heard. She said when she saw the ring the first thing she said to him was “Oh my God, don’t drop it!” even before she said yes. But seriously, how fucking cool is that, what a way to propose. Than again, if she said no that could have made for a very awkward time in the air.

  Meanwhile, around the pool we met three guys from Chicago. I guess I should clarify, one of them is living in New Jersey but is from Chicago. I found two of the three guys to be hot and just my type. Unfortunately, their type are actually men that have a wo in front of the men, so outside of us having a good time hanging with them for much of the rest of the trip, it went nowhere. Later on they said they voted me the coolest person they met on the trip.

  Many of us had plans for an excursion of snorkeling and a boat trip over to Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville on a three hour tour. A three hour tour. The boat trip included open bar but not until after the snorkeling. However, since I was not planning on snorkeling, I was able to start drinking earlier. I ordered a rum and Pepsi and much to my delight, was surprised to find that he filled the 12 ounce cup with about two-thirds run and a third pop. Holy fuck, one of them had me kinda drunk. By the time I finished my second one I was hammered. As for Margaritaville, it was pretty cool too, they had a slide that ended in the ocean. Although I REALLY wanted to do it, the water was too deep for me to feel comfortable enough to do it, however a few of the people I was with did it and loved it. The slide was extremely fast and shot you out hard, fast, and far out of the end of it.

  So being that I was on vacation it would only be a matter of time before I do something embarrassing. Since I spent the better part of my speech at the wedding embarrassing myself, this meant that anything else that I did to embarrass myself would be bonus embarrassment time. Of course, to be embarrassed you have to have shame, which I have very little of. Which brings us to Saturday night. The resort was having a men versus woman competition in the theater in which they picked four guys and four girls from the audience to go on stage and compete. I was not one of the chosen. But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t embarrass myself. Or should I say em-bare-ass! One of the games involved a couple of the contestants going into the audience to get a pair of trousers. Now I’m going to fully blame the alcohol on this one because I do certainly know the difference between a pair of trousers and boxers. But, at that time I didn’t. So I quickly dropped both my shorts and boxers and struggled to get my sandals off. Meanwhile my friends sat their yelling at me “what are you doing, they want pants not underwear!”

  Sunday morning, a ton of the 53 people who were with us for the wedding were leaving. The rest of us partied on without them. There was a disco and very tiny casino that we could go to that was two resorts over. Sunday night, a group of us started to walk out of the lobby when a drunker than fuck dude came up to one over the girls (who is hot) and tried to get her to come over by him. We all just kept on walking. Remember him for later though.

  We soon found ourselves in the smallest casino I had ever been in. I swear this place had like 12 slot machines and that was it. I lost a buck. We then went over to the disco and hung out there for, I don’t know, an hour or so? There were about six of us who decided to go hang out back at our resort. We walked out and saw a worker driving a golf cart so we hopped on for a ride. Well as it turns out, the damn thing was not working so well. It seemed like we were riding in Fred Flintstone’s foot powered car. So we actually had to push the damn thing back to the resort which of course, defeated the purpose of getting a ride.

  Once we got back, we went to the lobby bar where we saw the drunk guy from earlier. This time he was even more drunk and very hard to understand. I swear you needed close captioning to understand him in spite of the fact that he was mumbling English. He was kind of an asshole as well, although we couldn’t understand him he seemed to be trying to start shit with us. So we went down to the beach for a bit. We come walking back in 20 minutes later and there he was wandering around the first floor attempting to start shit with us again. We asked him where his room was and he mentioned a room number somewhere on the first floor. We told him he should go to it and walked away but instead he just followed us, mumbling something. We came across an elevator and put him inside and I pressed the button for the highest floor and sent him on his way. We eventually made it back to my room to hang for a while and when everybody was finally leaving my room they said they saw him being escorted back to his room by hotel employees.

  One of the only excursions I really wanted to do was something called the Luminous Lagoon. Here is a link if you want to read more about it:

  http://www.jamaicans.com/tourist/articles_travel/JamaicaLuminousLagoon.shtml

  Let me just summarize it for you in case you don’t have time for the link. The lagoon is the home of a rare phosphorescent microbe – a dinoflagellate – that lives where the warm fresh waters of the Martha Brae River meet the salt waters of the Caribbean. The constant movement and flowing of the river causes the microbes to move and glow with a neon-green color. The phosphorescence is so marked that the fish swimming in the lagoon have been likened to moving stars. The activity stirred up by tourist boats and swimmers only enhances the effect. This unique microbial phenomenon can be found in just four places in the world, and Jamaica’s Luminous Lagoon is considered the best place on the planet to experience it.

  The problem is that it can be hit or miss. Depending on cloud cover and the moon, you might not see a thing. This was the case when my friends went the first night we were there. So they were given free vouchers for another trip which we took on Monday. There were four of us from our group along with another five other tourists from the resort who got onto this small boat to make the trip. Now as you know, I’m not much of a swimmer. I’m also a giant pussy. And the boat ride out there was about the most frightening thing I’ve ever experienced. The waves were so hard and the boat ride was so bouncy that I was petrified. In fact, I spent the entire trip out there gripping a pole in the middle of the boat with all my might. So tight that my hand was sore when we were done. And we bounced so much that my ass and back was sore. Now it wasn’t bad enough that I was the only person on the boat who put on the life jacket, but it was made even worse by the fact that I would not remove my hand from the pole to put on the jacket. My friend put it on for me! Again, very embarrassing.

  The lagoon though was really fucking cool. Although the water was only three feet deep in that area, I decided not to get in however just about everybody else did. When they were in there, they moved their arms in a swimming motion and would start to glow. The tour guide would fill up a bucket with water and throw the water into the ocean and it would glow as soon as it hit the water. It was about the most fascinating thing I had ever seen and actually worth the scary boat ride out there.

  Tuesday was pretty uneventful until the evening when the show at the theater was an ideal couples show that featured couples being brought on stage to compete to see who was the “ideal couple”. One couple in our group got pulled onto stage much to their own horror and embarrassment. I could sit there and tell you everything they had to do or I can wait until somebody gets me copies of the video as my description could not nearly do it justice. Good times though.

  And of course, Wednesday we came home. Fun trip. Can’t wait to travel again.

   

  • 11:30 am
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