October 7 has always been a conflicted day in Chicago sports history. in 1984, Bears running back Walter Payton set the all time rushing record, but unfortunately on the same day the Cubs were eliminated from the playoffs by the San Diego Padres. While I was too young to be a fan back then, what makes it tougher for many Cub fans was that they were up two games to none in the best of five series before losing the last three games. But, then again the Cubs always to seem to blow it in the end anyways.

Besides sports, many other things of note happened on October 7. Some of you might remember that on this day in October 7, America started the war in Afghanistan. Hopefully it will be over by this date next year, however somehow I doubt we will be out of there. Two years later Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governor of California. And in 1960, Kennedy and Nixon debated Cold War foreign policy.

A lot of famous people were born on October 7, including one of my favorites, John Mellencamp in 1951. Toni Braxton was born in 1968. And Yo Yo Ma in 1954. And it was not just musicians born on this day either. Maniacal asshole Russian president Vladimir Putin was born just a year after Mellencamp. On the other end of the spectrum, Desmond Tutu was born in 1931. Former NBA head coach Cotton Fitzsimmons was born in 1931. Gay rights activist and sex columnist Dan Savage was born in 1965. Iran contra scapegoat Oliver North was born on this day in 1943. And my brother was born in 1975, same day as Ok Go lead singer Damian Kulash.

I’m nothing if not a political junkie. So election season always excites me, although I still think it goes on WAAAAAAY too long. And with the debates upon us and the election just a hair over a month away, things are really starting to heat up. Which brings me to one Mitt Romney. By just about every stretch of the imagination, Romney should win this election. History tells us that when the economy is bad, more times than not the incumbent president loses. The exception to the rule is when the other political party nominates somebody who is just totally fucking awful. Now Romney does not seem totally fucking awful. So they the hell is he more than likely going to lose?

Well, first let’s go back a bit. See in my opinion, of all of the crazy clowns in the crazy town circus, Mitt Romney as the most acceptable. I mean, it’s not like Newt Gingrich is exactly presidential material, shit the man is a raging narcissist who believes he will have us living on the moon in 2020. Rick Santorum? I’ll just pretend I didn’t type that. If there was a queen of the crazy town circus than Michelle Bachmann would most certainly appoint her husband queen as she sat there trying to figure out just how medicine can make a 12 year old retarded. And Herman Cain………well, Herman is special. But you get it. When you compare Romney with the rest of them, honestly, he is a Chris Christie sized ton better than all of them.

So how is it in a struggling economy that he isn’t winning this race? Well first I should clarify, what makes this race slightly different than the others is that when previous one termers were elected, the economy was not nearly as bad as when Obama started. Those other presidents, like Jimmy Carter and the first Bush, get blamed (rightfully or not) for killing the economy. Obama kinda can’t be blamed for killing the economy because it was already broke when he got here. Sure you can make the argument as to if he made it better or worse, but it was bad when he got here something that Carter or Bush couldn’t say. But based on history, Obama should still be losing.

So back to Romney. For him, I think it is a likeability issue. He is just so damn unlikeable. Shit, most Republicans don’t even like him. They tolerate him. They are supporting him for one reason and one reason only: he is not Obama. I also think people are sick of him. Both Obama and Romney have been running for president for five fucking years. The only difference between the two is that Obama was actually president for the last four years, whereas Romney has been running and running and running, constantly changing his views and positions based on whomever he was talking to. Meanwhile, he comes off as more and more unlikeable, unrelatable, out of touch and almost unhuman. Allow me to give you a few examples of things that while he thinks is normal, he doesn’t seem to understand that the typical American can’t possibly relate to:

• During one of the Republican debates he tried to bet Rick Perry $10,000. Normal every day Americans can’t just bet 10 grand like it’s nothing.
• He said that last year he “only” made $350,000. I don’t know about you, but I wish I “only” made $350,000.
• He told college students that if they wanted to start their own business and didn’t have $20,000 just ask their parents for the money. Yeah, that might be how Mitt got his money. And it might be how his kids got their money. But, how many parents can just fork over 20 G’s for their kids to use on a business?
• There is a picture floating around of him from about 30 years ago in which he is standing with a bunch of other rich guys lighting a $100 bill on fire. Certainly nobody should use that as a reason not to vote for him. But, it does make him look like he doesn’t have a grasp of what Americans are going through.

This was a neck and neck race until about a month ago when Obama started pulling away not only nationally but in nearly all of the important swing states. Of course Romney and all of his supporters say polls don’t matter or that the polls are biased. But, the reality is that polls do matter and they are usually accurate. And even if they are not as accurate as I believe, Romney can either write off the polls as bullshit and find himself watching Obama’s inauguration in January or he can take them seriously and realize that “oh shit, people don’t like me.”

While Romney certainly did have a great showing at the first debate, he still has a way of looking unrelatable while campaigning, giving speechs and doing interviews. At the end of the day, he is still Mitt Romney and there is nothing he can do to change that. While I’m quite certain Obama is out of touch with the American people (hell, every president is so insulated that it is damn near impossible to remain in touch) he still is more like-able and has a way of have more human moments. Human moments that Mitt Romney doesn’t realize that he needs.  

What the fuck is with people not practicing socially acceptable hygiene? Seriously. Why the fuck do people stink? Now I’m not referring to people who have some sort of condition that makes them stink. I’m referring to people who just don’t shower or bathe often enough to prevent themselves from stinking. Or maybe they don’t wash their clothes enough and they were stink ass clothes. I swear I seem to come across stinky people more than the average person or perhaps maybe I just have a better sense of smell than the average person. I don’t know. But I’m always the one who seems to smell the stink before others. I dealt with a guy today who fucking REAKED to no end. And what was even worse was that his nastafunk seemed to spread to other inanimate objects he touched like a pen and paper. And then I touched it. And my hands stunk. And I was worried that his stench spread to me, you know, kinda like that episode of Seinfeld in which Jerry’s car had BBO (beyond body odor) from a valet and the stink attached itself to Jerry and Elaine.

Were these people not taught that you need to shower every day. Or shit, if not everyday than every other fucking day, that is at least a little bit more reasonable. And what is with their family or friends if they have any. I know it’s embarrassing and a tough thing to bring up, but how the fuck does their family let them walk around like that? I know if it was me, I would want SOMEBODY to quietly point out to me that maybe it’s time that I shower. Of course, that was if I didn’t shower every day. But I do. And so should you. My sister who lives halfway across the country from me once told me that to save money, she showers every other day and uses soap that she makes every other shower. Huh? I’d expect to smell her four rather large states away but for some reason she does not stink, at least not when I see her.

But as for staying clean and fresh smelling the same thing goes for the genital region. Look, shit is all closed up down there the entire day with no air. It is the first thing that gets stinky. You need to know this shit. Before you go doing it with anybody you need to wash that shit. Hell if you expect somebody to go downtown at least give them the courtesy of smelling good, hell it is the least you can do. How the fuck is it that there are people out there who exercise or sweat profusely in some manner and than expect somebody to go down on them without showering first? Are you fucking serious, do you honestly not know how much it stinks down there? And there is no way humanly possible that you can go days without showering and sincerely ask somebody to go down on you without using a gas mask. Look, here’s $10, go buy yourself a clue, a shower, and soap.

And let me get started on breath. Now this is one stinky area that I am rather obsessed about. I have bad breath issues from time to time. Always have. I used to not floss very often or use mouthwash. But, I’ve found that since I started doing both multiple times a day (well not so much the flossing, I usually only do that once a day) I’ve not had as many complaints about my breath. But just in case, I ALWAYS carry around mints or a breath freshener of some kind. And I quite frequently use it, almost to the point of compulsion because, hey I don’t want people to think I stink and not want to be around me. But other people, holy fuck……….there is a high number of people in the world who just do not practice good oral hygiene. Hehehheh, I said oral. But how can these people not realize their breath stinks? Haven’t they ever wondered why every conversation they have is at a 15 foot distance?

I don’t think I go to great lengths or extremes to keep myself, well not smelling great but just not smelling bad. All I expect in return and all that society should demand in return is to just not stink. But yet, people don’t fucking get it. Ugh!!