Have you heard the latest news about the massacre that killed seven people on the north side of Chicago? You might have missed it in the news because there has been so much coverage of the State of the Union address and many other top stories of the day. But there were seven people gunned down on the north side of Chicago! Shit with all the talk lately about gun control and gun violence, you would think that this would be a huge story in the news. But no, it is buried and not talked about at all. Shit, parts of Chicago are a war zone; Chicago is probably the worst city in the country for gun violence. How this could go unnoticed and unmentioned is beyond me.

All I know is that the news should be all over this. Okay so the people murdered were mobsters, that doesn’t mean we still shouldn’t cover it. After all, how else are people going to find out about it? Where else can they look, history books? This is a huge story especially with gun violence being a hot topic these days.

Wait. Wait a minute. I’m being told that the person who orchestrated the massacre, one Al Capone (or Alfie as those of us close to him call him) has already gone to jail for other crimes. Wait. Actually. Hmmm………….says here he is dead. And been dead since, wait is this right? 1947? Well dammit anyway, I really need to get my news quicker. Is this why this massacre is not a big deal? Is this why it is not a lead story on the news, just because it happened in 1929? Well excuse me, since when does news have to be timely. Shouldn’t we wait until we have the facts first? Did we not learn lessons, how about when the media reported that Al Gore won the 2000 election? Or how about when the media reported that Obamacare had been overturned? All I’m saying is that maybe we should wait for all the facts to come out before we say that those seven people are actually dead and that Al Capone had them killed.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go now. There is a rumor on the internet that Michael Jackson died.

I’m sure all of you have heard the story of a certain linebacker from a certain famous college who supposedly fell for a hoax in which he thought he had been dating a girl for like a year but turned out she was fake. It is something called catfishing. If you haven’t heard of the story than where the fuck have you been the past month. And you really need to read about it all for yourself, it is quite the wild story, complete with all sorts of wild twists and turns. I do think the whole thing was way overblown and received way too much coverage but at the same time I couldn’t help but be fascinated by the whole damn thing. Which is probably why it got so much attention because of just how crazy the thing was. Plus people are always obsessed with the lives of celebrities especially when they make an ass of themselves. Which regardless if you believe his story or not, clearly he did not exactly come off looking good during the whole ordeal.

I’ve never been the type to admit I’m old or out of touch. Let’s face it, in the grand scheme of things I’m not old. And I’m not just in denial. I’m still on the young side of 40 which still makes me young. But, this whole story might be the first time I’m starting to feel kind of out of touch. Regardless of whether I believe him or not one of the things I’ve learned is that in this day and age, people can get into a relationship and consider themselves boyfriend-girlfriend without actually ever meeting. I don’t know, perhaps I’m old school this way but I’ve always felt that to date somebody you have to actually date them. And by dating them I mean physically going out on dates. Or maybe staying in and hanging out at home before fucking. See, while fucking doesn’t have to be part of a relationship to consider it dating (although it certainly helps), actual seeing somebody in person does need to occur to be considered a couple. Or at least that is my opinion.

Maybe I don’t get it because I have never fully been catfished myself. I guess it is kind of hard for a gay guy to be catfished since most of the people doing the catfishing are gay guys themselves who want to make a fool of some poor fucking straight dude they find attractive. I mean I guess I could have chatted with people who aren’t who they say they are…………shit as a matter of fact with all the people I have chatted with over the years I’m quite certain I have. But, I have never met somebody in person who flat out catfished me. Perhaps had that happened to me, I would have a better understanding of the whole situation.

Then again, I know I can’t possibly be that out of touch with the times. I know this because at the end of the day, everybody wants to get laid. Everybody likes fucking and orgasms and as we know, while solo orgasms are pretty damn good they pale in comparison to other people giving you orgasms. And you can’t have that unless you have physically met somebody in person.  And I have to believe that an overwhelming majority of people would not consider themselves in an actual relationship until they have met the person in question. And I do believe that is still the case with younger people. Oh, I’m sure high school kids might consider somebody they have never met a significant other but that is stupid fucking high school shit. I’m talking about adults. But you tell me. And I way out of touch on this whole issue?

Today is Monday and that means another lame and disappointing episode of The Simpsons aired last night. I have long been a huge fan of The Simpsons. Actually, I think I went kind of beyond just a fan; I think I was pretty much obsessed with it for years. I not only bought most the DVDs, but also the toys, t-shirts, games, underwear, pajama pants, hats, posters, and foods. And people gave me Simpsons memorabilia and birthday cards, among many many other things. I was more than just a fan; when people thought of the Simpsons they thought of me. It was pretty much a big part of who I was.

But that was a long time ago. Then again, I guess it wasn’t all that long ago. My Simpsons buzz went away probably at least two years ago. And why? Well, all I know is that the damn show fucking sucks nowadays. I don’t know if it is one of the worst shows on television, but that is only because there is so much pure crap on t.v. these days. The show is beyond a mere shadow of it’s former self; watching it now is like watching a washed up Willie Mays stumble around the Mets outfield towards the end of his career, only The Simpsons have fallen further than Mays. Eventually, Mays retired. The Simpsons on the other hand…………well they just keep going on and on, getting worse not just with every passing season but with every single episode.

And yet I still watch. Out of loyalty. The show gave me so many laughs for so long that I almost feel obligated to keep watching, which ironically is about the worst thing I can do because, A. if enough people still watch then they have no reason to cancel it and B. the more I watch, the less I love it and the more luster comes off the show. Shit, I don’t even watch it in syndication anymore mainly because most of the episodes they air are the newer episodes from the past five years or so and let’s face it, the show hasn’t been up to par in at least five years. What’s worse is that the more I watch, the less I seem to like the older episodes that I fell in love with. In short, I guess I’m falling out of love with the show.

I’ve got no doubt that the Simpsons is one of the greatest shows of all time. I would go as far as to say that it is even one of the top five shows of all time; hell it might even be one of the top three. I still consider Seinfeld to be the greatest show of all time and you know why, because it ended just as it was starting to decline. It left us wanting more. And because of that it still has left me loving the show; I watch it every chance I get. In some respects, it might actually be my favorite show of all time now. This is the importance of leaving while still being great. Go out on top. The Simpsons missed that opportunity by at least 10 years. Now they just need to find enough of a reason to pull the damn plug.

I don’t know if any of you got a change to catch New Jersey governor Chris Christie’s appearance on David Letterman Monday night but it was nothing if not entertaining. I’m a huge Letterman fan and for a couple of years now have heard him ruthlessly make fun of Chris Christie’s weight, which is probably not right but it sure is funny. So I give Christie tons of credit for having the balls to come on the show and not only come on it but openly (and with hilarious results) make fun of his weight problem. Through the years Dave has made fun of certain people to the point of going overboard and then when that person finally comes on the show, he backs off from making fun of them so I expect that to be the case with Christie.

Look, I’m not going to pretend to play favorites here. I’m a liberal. If Christie ever runs for president, I’m not going to be voting for him. But, I do like the guy. I can relate to him. He is always honest, even if it costs him a lot politically or if he knows people are not going to agree with what he is saying. I can respect that. A lot. The business of politics is filled with liars and a ton of mistrust so when you get a guy who is tells the truth no matter the cost, you have to appreciate that. Hell, even just before the election he caused quite a bit of controversy when he spoke glowingly of the president’s response to Hurricane Sandy in spite of the fact that Christie was a strong supporter of Mitt Romney.

Christie says he is not too fat to be president. I agree with him. I think his weight would not affect the job he does as president. But, it very well might prevent him from becoming president. Sure we have had fat presidents before; hell there is that old story which probably isn’t true that William Howard Taft got stuck in his bathtub the morning of his inauguration. But that was a different time. Nowadays people see the candidates a lot on t.v. and the internet. There is a reason why all of our presidents in the television era have been thin (except for Clinton and even he wasn’t that fat) and for the most part, good looking. Sadly, looks matter and that is not only true for politics but it is true for everyday life as well.

America is embroiled in a fake debate about guns. I say fake because we all know too damn well that no gun legislation is going to pass. I’ve already expressed countless times my thoughts and views on guns. So this time I’m just going to focus on two more reasons for gun control.

The pro gun lobby has always staunchly hide behind the second amendment as to why there should be no gun laws. But, the way I see it, the second amendment actually argues FOR gun control. It says early on “a well regulated militia”. And what are gun laws? They are regulations. Unfortunately, the constitution was intentionally vague and left open to interpretation which is why you get two people reading the exactly same thing but yet having a different opinion on what those exact words mean. It is both frustrating and beautiful at the same time and part of what helps to make our country great. But, I feel this wording “a well regulated militia” gives a big enough argument for gun control. In my no nothing opinion, it pretty much says that guns should be legal but okay to be regulated.

The other argument is how could the second amendment be more important than any of the other amendments? The NRA is against any gun laws at all, even if they do make sense (background checks…………hello, that one should be a slam dunk) but that would tend to imply that the second amendment is somehow more valuable or important than the others. Fortunately in America we have freedom of speech which allows me to write this and allows others to have opinions and say certain things. Yet, there are still laws that have been made to curb free speech. For example, there is no swearing on television. And you can not legally spread lies and rumors about people without potentially being sued. See, common sense laws. Also while people have the right to peacefully assemble and protest, the police can still end those rallies and protests. Alcohol is legal but there are still regulations and guidelines that must be followed when it comes to booze. See, the constitution is filled with all sorts of freedoms that we have that can legally be regulated. So, why not the second amendment?

Today is of course, Super Bowl Sunday, which for the most part is the biggest man holiday of the entire year. I’ve always said that Super Bowl Sunday should be a national holiday; heck I guess in a way it kind of already is. People treat it like a holiday. Family and friends get together to eat and drink and have a good time of course the difference between this and a traditional holiday is that there is usually gambling involved. While I usually get in on a modest Super Bowl square each year, this year I got in on the biggest square I’ve ever done: $250 a square. That’s a lot of fucking money so I went thirds on it with my best friend and my brother so that we each only have to pay $83 and each can walk away with I think about $520 should we be lucky enough to win.

I know a lot of people love to watch the game for the commercials, which I find funny since most people spend the rest of the year avoiding commercials. They mute the t.v. when commercials come on; they change the channel; they fast forward on their DVR to avoid the very same commercials they couldn’t wait to watch during the Super Bowl. My thinking is that if I don’t watch them any other time, than why would I watch them during the Super Bowl? Besides the commercials are not nearly as good or as creative as they were 10-15 years ago. Most of them are so cliched and lame nowadays so why waste time watching them?

As for the game itself, honestly I’m kinda torn about who I want to win. I’m not a fan of either team. I spent the better part of the 80s and 90s hating the 49ers because they won so damn much. And the Ravens? Well they have Ray Lewis who may or may not have been involved in murdering a man 13 years ago. And now he pretends to be a super huge Christian, using it to hide behind whenever there is a controversy about him. Did he use deer antler spray to help recover from an injury? His response is something about how the devil makes people do evil things and blah blah blah Jesus. And then there is his obnoxious celebrations on the field. Holy fuck does he look like quite the fool dancing around like a fucking jackass. On the other hand one of his teammates, former Bear Brendon Ayanbadejo, is a strong advocate of gay marriage and very socially aware on a number of other important issues as well. He is hard not to root for. Unlike that fucker on the 49ers Chris Culliver who made some rather asshole anti gay remarks before issuing one of the all time biggest bullshit apologies for how he doesn’t actually truly feel. Hmm. If only he could be traded to the Ravens for Ayanbadejo than it would be much easier to root for the 49ers and against the Ravens.

All that being said, my disdain for Lewis probably wins out and I will root for the 9ers. Then again, it doesn’t matter who wins the actual game, all I’m rooting for is the numbers 6 and 1 and the numbers 0 and 2. Those are the numbers that can get me a cool $500!

You know I was thinking recently about which celebrities would be cool to sit around and smoke a joint with. You know, kind of like a pot round table. Besides getting a mad case of the munchies, or giggling uncontrollably, people tend to get philosophical when they get stoned. They sometimes have deep conversations, even if those conversations are not very coherent or intellectual. But often times they are. They share deep thoughts and unique opinions about any number of topics. And the thing about pot, is that it crosses cultural barriers. People from all walks of life do smoke or have smoked pot. Rich, poor, black, white, old, young, gay, straight, Asian, Hispanic, males, females, it really doesn’t matter. It is one of the few things that is popular among any group of people. Oh sure, college students and the NBA are probably the biggest users, but heck, that is only because that is what you do in college: you get stoned. But if I were to put together a small group of people to sit around and get high with and engage in some fun conversations, who would I want there?

• Bill Clinton- Everybody knows he smoked pot and I don’t care what he says, he inhaled. And shit, he might even still smoke it. And although he is a total bullshitter who tells many tall tales, he is still extremely brilliant on many topics and very charming. Hell, I would imagine just having a one on one conversation with him would be awesome, even without the weed.
• Snoop Dogg/Lion Or Whatever He Is Calling Himself This Hour- I used to not be a Snoop fan. Actually I used to hate him. And it’s not even like I’m a huge fan of him now. But the guy seems fun. And this one time his doctor and homey one Dr Dre came through with some bubonic chronic that made him choke so I’m quite certain that he would bring some really good shit. I mean the guy is a virtual pot legend, almost as big of a legend as………..
• Willie Nelson- Shit, this guy is basically the Godfather of pot. The guy will be 80 years old this year and he still smokes pot. There is a chronic toke cloud that pretty much surrounds his tour bus wherever it goes. And everybody loves Willie. Republicans and Democrats complain incessantly about each other but they all lover Willie. I’m thinking any stoner can learn some good tips from him. Hell, he has smoke so much pot that his hair is pretty much pot.

Could you imagine getting these three together in the same room? That would be one helluva night. I’m sure I could have added a few more people to this list but couldn’t think of any others off the top of my head. So who did I leave out?

Today one of my oldest, if not oldest, cousin’s died. How do I not know if he was my oldest cousin you ask? Well let me explain it all to you. You will probably find this amazing as I know I do. See, I’m tied for the youngest of six in my family. My twin brother Mark and I were born in 1975. My mom was the youngest of nine. She was born in 1934. Her oldest sibling who just died about three or four months ago was born in 1921. My grandparents were, get this, born in the 1800s! All four of my grandparents were long gone by the time I was born. But, on my mom’s side it is widely believed that there were 36 grandchildren. My mom’s second oldest sibling was her brother Frank, he was born in 1923 and died in 2009. Well it was his oldest son, Michael or as the family called him, Mickey, who died today at the age of 66. Which means that there was only a 13 year age difference between my mom and her nephew. What is even more weird is that there is a bigger age gap between my two oldest siblings and us then there was between my mom and some of her nieces and nephews! Ain’t that wild?

But back to Mickey. His wonderfully sweet wife called him Mike or Michael and we were sitting around yesterday trying to figure out how he got to be called Mickey. See, I’ve got a theory. See our grandfather was named Michael and we were both named after him. One of my mom’s brothers was named Michael as well (he threatened to kill me once at my Uncle Freddie’s wake………..funny story) but everybody called him Mikey. I think it was to distinguish between him, Mikey, and grandpa that he came to be called Mickey. Of course the ironic part is that well Mikey and Mickey both had their names adjusted, I never did, in spite of being the youngest one of them all. The family still calls me Michael, although most of my friends call me Mike.

I was never close with Mickey though. Even though he only lived about 20 minutes away, I never really got to know him. I got to know his three daughters, who were closer in age to use. In fact, our first cousin has two kids that are older than us. Heck, that is the way it is though on mom’s side of the family. Most of my cousin’s have kids that are older than us. Shit, I’ve got dozens of cousins in California that I have never met. Sad to say but I don’t even know a lot of their names which is probably why I don’t know which one is the oldest. The only thing I know is that Mark and I were the youngest of all of them.

Mickey though was overall a good guy; a good family man. I’m full Italian and those of you who are Italian all have loud and obnoxious family members. Well, this was Mickey. He didn’t talk. He yelled. Not that he was angry. That was just the way he spoke, instead of talking he yelled. He was quite overweight though which probably played a big part in his death. I’ll always remember him though as being loud, but overall pretty nice. I didn’t get to know him very well though, which is pretty  much the theme of my relationship with damn near all of my extended family. Nevertheless, farewell Mick.

I  have always been nothing if not obsessed with presidents and all things presidents. So when I discovered that the History Channel was airing “The Ultimate Guide to Presidents” I was all over that shit, cramming in all eight hours between Friday and Sunday of this past weekend. One of the presidents I have always been very conflicted on is Harry Truman. Being a liberal, you would think I would automatically like him, right? But for me it is not that simple. See, what muddles his legacy, at least for me, is the dropping of the bomb on Japan to end World War II. I have got a big problem with killing innocent civilians and those bombs that were dropped killed hundreds of thousands and maimed hundreds of thousands more. In theory this goes against everything I stand for as a human being. I do realize why he did it, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

There were people that said that Truman acted with courage by dropping bomb. There are people who believe that had he not dropped it he would have been impeached. In spite of my views, I do have to appreciate the anguish he must have had when he was deciding whether to use the bomb or not. That could not have been an easy decision. I know the other option was to not drop it and invade Japan which would have really extended the war and cost many American lives. In that respect, it took a lot of balls to drop the bomb.  In dropping the bomb he acted purely in what he saw was the best interest of the United States and Allied Forces, however I don’t think he acted in the best interest of the entire world and all of mankind. The level of death, destruction, and carnage that came from the bomb was unlike anything before it or since. The poor people who managed to survive the blasts lived out their remaining days in agony; in some cases for years. I don’t think I could have made that decision knowing how much it would affect people, even if it was what was best for the U.S. at the time.

Of course since then, Japan has recovered and U.S.-Japan relations have even been fully repaired. But, I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the awesome amount of destruction that we caused the people of Japan. America has always done a lot of preaching about peace but has always had a very hard time living up to that very ideal. And then when you throw in the fact that the most gruesome and powerful act of war ever carried out in the history of mankind was done by our country it makes me wither away from national pride. Which is why I’m left with these mixed feelings about Harry Truman.

Today of course is Martin Luther King Day and also happens to be the second inauguration of President Barack Obama. Regardless of what you think of him, this was a very significant day in the history of these Divided States of America. A century and a half ago, blacks were slaves and now we have a two term half black man as president. 50 years ago, whites had the right to not serve blacks in hotels and restaurants, but look at us today. Oh sure, Obama’s first election was a huge deal and probably more significant than his second, but let’s not underestimate the importance of this moment. A lot of people including myself believed that he had more pressure on him in his first term than any other president because he had the added attention of being the first non fully white person in office and he had to prove to certain people that he would not be any lesser of a president because he is black. After all, black presidents CAN disappoint their supporters just as much as white presidents!

Obama became the first president since Reagan to win twice with more than 50% of the popular vote. To quote Vice President Joe Biden, “that’s a pretty big fucking deal”. While I’m quite certain there were people who did not vote for him or did vote for him because of the color of his skin, more people made the decision in without thinking of the color of his skin. I know you will here a lot of people talk about how divided the country is racially or about how far we still have to go when it comes to race relations, this post is about how far we have come. Martin Luther King would be shocked and proud.

I’ve long been a strong opponent of racism and bigotry in every way, shape, and form. To see how far we have come in such a short period of time though makes me proud. As Obama stood there rambling on about blah blah blah politics, I sat there just amazed at where we are here in history. Just think about this and let this sink in for a few. When Obama was born in 1961, there were still many states where his parents (a white mom and a black father) could not legally get married. There were still signs in the south that read “white only” or “colored only”. There was still a pretty big divide between the blacks and whites. Hell, more recently blacks were not allowed at Augusta National golf course in Georgia until 1990, only three presidents ago.

Love him or hate him for his politics; hell we have always done that in this country with our presidents going back to the beginning. But, appreciate what we have done and how far we have come in such a short amount of time. And appreciate the time in which we live. 100 years from now people are going to look back at this time and wonder with jealousy what it was like to live in our time much like we look back and wonder what it was like to live in America at the dawn of our inception. We should feel privileged to live in such a time and feel a sense of pride and optimism about what the future holds.