April 2, 2005

• Well, it looks like the pope is going to die. I could offer my ugly
  opinion on this, but I will reserve that for another time. Instead, I
  chose to go the only other direction I know……….HUMOR! So, what do
  you think happens to the pope’s stuff when he dies? I mean, honestly,
  its not like he has a wife or kids to leave it to.This is the first
  pope to die in the internet age, do you think any of it will wind up on
  E-bay? Sorta like “get it now, its the pope’s toothbrush”. And what
  about the wonderful and amazing pope-mobile? Does that automatically go
  to the next pope, or do they buy a new pope-mobile and use the old one
  as a trade in? I bet they can get a lot of money for it. You know, old
  people don’t drive very often or go very far, I bet he only used it to
  go to the store and church……….ok, and maybe to play bingo, but
  thats about it. There can’t be anymore than about 25,000 miles on it.
  As for the pope’s clothes, do they become hand me downs? I can’t
  imagine they will just give his clothes to Good Will, after all its the
  pope’s clothes. And being the pope’s clothes, they probably won’t throw
  it them out either. See, thats where Ebay comes in. I think there are a
  lot of Catholics that would pay big bucks for a pair of the popes
  jeans, or the boxers he wore at his last Christmas mass. And, correct
  me if I’m wrong, but can’t the church use the money? The money can go
  towards a down payment on the new pope mobile………..complete with
  an MP3 player and a PS2. And, they are going to have to give the pope’s
  crib a really good cleaning, you know how those old people’s houses
  have “that smell.” I’m sure he also collected junk too………shit,
  when my mom died, we found gas bills from the 60s, the pope being well
  into his 80s they might find electric bills from the 40s. And what
  about life insurance? Being pope, I’m sure he had some sort of killer
  insurance plan, but with no kids, who gets it? And did the pope invest?
  He could have tons of money. Where does it all go? I guess he would get
  a pretty lavish funeral, but surely there would have to be money left
  over. Well, I’m sure they will come up with something. After all, they
  are going to have to pay the movers for when the new pope moves in.

  • 2:34 pm
  • 2 Comments