January 9, 2007

• Sometimes............no, most of the time, being related to my mother's side of the family really really totally sucks giant and ultimate, stinky, fat, filthy donkey ass. Did I mention complete? No, I didn't, so you can include that in there at well. Since I don't feel like changing it, go back an insert complete right before the word donkey. And now, allow me to explain. I have this loser cousin who is pushing 50 years old. No, actually, I think he might be 50 or older. Well, I won't get into the various details that make him a loser. Actually, you can go back to a post from some time May of 2005 (May 21, 2005 to be exact) to give you a slight example of why he is a waste of chromosomes. Anywho, about 4 years ago, he started to prank call us in the middle of the night. He would block his number, I would answer and he wouldn't say anything. It started off him doing this about once every couple of weeks. It escalated to a few times a week. Finally, the phone company and the police caught him and told him to stop. Well, as I have always known, he has problems understanding the word stop. I know this because when I was a kid, I rode in a car with him and he didn't stop at stop signs or red lights. I'm not making that up. Anywho, a few months ago, he started calling again. I got confirmation from the police tonight that it was he who was doing this. They told him to stop, but if he does it again, I am pressing charges. Fuck that loser. He is a fucking adult, old enough to be my father and he is still doing shit like this. Fuck, even the cop told me "you know he is nuts, right? Are you actually related to him?" I had to embarrassingly answer yes. Of course, none of this would have been a problem if 50 years ago couples were as into blow jobs as they are now. His whole waste of life could have been avoided if his mother just went down on his father for 5 minutes like real couples do today, but noooooo, they had to have sex. Now that I think of it, there are several people who should have been blow jobs:

  1. My mother's sister
  2. George W Bush
  3. Osama Bin Laden
  4. Paris Hilton
  5. Rush Limbaugh
  6. Terrell Owens

  Where was the blow job when these people were being conceived. Well, I'm a ssuming Paris was manufactured in some sort of Dumbfuck Factory and not by actual humans, but everybody else's parents, what gives. You mean to tell me you couldn't take it down your throat  for 5 minutes for the betterment of society? Just think of how much better off the world would have been if the mother didn't have so much of a gag reflex and the father could actually remember to pick up a box of fucking condoms. Now we have to deal with one being filled with so much evil that she refuses to die, one guy who is only good at fucking up America, one hateful fuck that is too evil to get into hell, one pompus ass who only stops talking to stuff his face, and another guy who is so self involved he probably sleeps on a mirror so the first thing he sees in the morning is himself. See, this is what is wrong with society, people, too much sex and not enough blow jobs. Just think of how many other people would have never been had blow jobs been more en vogue years ago. I mean, I only listed 6 people, I could have easily come up with 50 people. And I'm sure you all have lists of your own as well.

  Ok, now where was I? Oh, yeah, if any of you want to rub out my cousin, I'm not necessarily condoning it, but I'll be damned if I'm going to do anything to stop it. After all, not stopping would be the best way to honor his memory, right?

  • 10:35 pm
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