April 14, 2010
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Am I Wrong?
I have a friend who is turning 40 next week. Her husband is throwing a 40th birthday party for her on Saturday. I came up with an idea of a gift that I wanted to give her. I wanted to come up with a picture that has a drawing of her and a bunch of her favorite things surrounded by 40 reasons why we love her. To achieve this, I asked a bunch of her friends to each give me a reason or two as to why they love her. Now I don't have an artistic bone in my body, so I commissioned a very good friend of mine to create this for me. My friend is always amazing and great at doing things like this and she knows what looks good or bad and what would be corny or cheesy or great. I gave her a little bit of an idea of what I wanted and then let her run with it. And run she did. My friend who is turning 40 lives in Chicago, is a big fan of the Beatles and the Rolling Stones and is Irish. My friend making the artwork also loves the Beatles, so this was a natural for her. So her mind got racing and her creative juices got flowing and this is what she came up with: a different and unique twist on the Beatles Abby Road cover. The drawing is my friend carrying an Irish flag with the Abby Road Beatles following her in front of the skyline of Chicago. In the air is a tiny plane that has a banner that reads "Happy 40th Birthday" with the Rolling Stones famous lips and tongue logo. There is a celtic boarder and outside of that are the 40 quotes listing reasons why we love my friend. It turned out amazing, I loved it and I know my friend is going to absolutely love it.
Now here comes the part where I may or may not be wrong. On the back of the frame, my friend left a note talking about not only how much she loved making it, but how she thinks her friends are great. It was a really nice gesture. At the end though is what got under my skin a bit. She put a bible quote "Peace be within you." My friend who made it is a pretty big Christian. I am not. And its not even that I'm just not a Christian, I'm actually an Atheist. Furthermore, my friend who is turning 40 is not big into religion as well. Truth be told though, I don't think she is going to have a problem with the quote, I think she is going to be blown away by the whole thing and pretty much overlook the quote. But, it still bothers me that it is on there, after all this is a gift from me and it should reflect as much. Shortly after I saw it, I asked my friend to remove it and replace it with a Beatles lyric as I thought that would be more fitting. She didn't agree. I asked her to please remove it and she refused. She told me that she usually puts that on just about everything she makes. I pointed out that in the nine years I have known her she has made a TON of things for me and not a single one of them ever had that quote on it. Of course, she knew I was Atheist and that is why she probably left it off. This of course, set off not only a debate, but also an argument about if it should be on there. I probably said something that I should not have said when I told her "remind me to never have you make something for me again." Now of course, she is as she put it, livid that I took offense to her bible verse.
I should stress that she did work very hard on this and probably put in 15 hours of work. I do also fully recognize that as an artist, she has a right to add what she wants to make it her own. That being said, I have paid her to make a gift from me, so a part of me is going into this as well. Although I am quite certain I am overreacting, I also feel that at the very least she should have asked me first before she did that, after all, she called me and consulted me on every other aspect of the piece no matter how small or minor it might be. Furthermore, she knows me about as well as anybody and certainly she would have known that this would have irked me a bit.
Certainly the quote itself is not offensive in the least. It was not done with malicious intent, nor is the quote a bad thing to wish to somebody. For me though, the bible is an offensive book; me and the bible don't get along. Sure, there are some things that one might be able to learn from the bible, but to be honest there is just so much horseshit in the bible that it leaves the whole thing devoid of any value. Over the years, I have not been shy in the least with her about my feelings of disdain for the bible and she has been very clear with me her support for and beliefs about Christianity.
So my question is, am I wrong to be offended or upset? Am I wrong to consider removing her note from the back of the frame so that my friend does not see the quote?
Comments (7)
Wow, this is a tough situation. I think super Christian people tend to say/write Bible verses without even thinking how it affects other people. This bothers me that they aren't sensitive at all to other people's beliefs. I could understand if she wasn't thinking and put it on there....but when you brought it up, she should have respected your wishes and removed it. I have to admit though, the verse could have been a lot worse. I have heard some pretty crazy ones, so at least this was only a couple words long. Even so, she should have removed it. She can save her Bible verse for the card she writes to your friend....not something that's got your name all over it because you were the one in charge. I think you are in the right, but i can understand where she's coming from (just a tiny bit though). She should have given in and i don't think it was out of line to ask her to remove it. This whole thing could have been avoided if she thought first before writing something like that.
First off- what an AMAZING idea! You're too damn sweet for your own good.
In my opinion, if you paid her for it- it should be your call as to what's on it. Period. An artists signature is completely different then a religious quote. My question is- why? Why did she even put it, and why is she being so stubborn about taking it off? It doesn't seem like it should bother her that much, especially when she's made you other things before and never put it on there. What kind of point is she trying to make now?
And even though I'd be like your friend and overlook it just because of how awesome the rest of it is- I don't feel a birthday celebration is the kind of place to impart religious dogma. I'd be kind of put off by it, even though I'd understand that some people are just like that. Like Kel said- she could have just as easily put it on a card and sent it along with the drawing. And I totally think it's your perogative not to use her artistic services again if she's going to absolutely refuse to not put something like that on there again.
And I just can't get over how sweet of an idea that was! <3
Totally agree with Becca. It almost sounds like that woman did it JUST to piss you off. YOU paid her to do a drawing. If you had asked her to draw whatever she wanted, then yea, you couldn't get mad. She knew what was supposed to be done and she added to it. Not good. It's totally understandable that you don't want to use her again. I hate people like that.....Ugh.
Thanks for your input and feedback, everybody else I've talk to say that I am wrong. I should mention that she is one of my 2 or 3 best friends, so its not like I barely know her. I keep going back and forth as to if I'm wrong or not. At the end of the day, I've decided that I will keep it as is and just let my 40 year old friend make the choice as to if it offends her.
Thanks for the compliments, I've always been an idea man and now that many of my friends are turning 40, I've been coming up with things to make their birthdays special, mainly because I like them, but also because I'm bored!
I wonder if that's a real quote from the Bible. If it is, it isn't one I'm familiar with. And, really, it doesn't make all that much sense. I mean, "Peace be with you" is pretty standard, but "Peace be within you"? I think your decision about the whole issue is the best one, and I also think the idea for this gift is fantastic.
Thanks, I really appreciate the feedback; I've discussed the issue with many of my friends but most of them are either Atheist or Agnostic, so its good to have the perspective of a Christian. I did send her an email to apologize not for asking the quote to be removed but instead for if she felt that I didn't appreciate what she did. I haven't heard from her since I sent the email.
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