April 21, 2010

• Let’s Get Physical!

  I went for my annual physical today. I know most people don’t go for routine physicals and my doctor has told me I really don’t need to go every year, but I figure I’ve got the coverage for one physical a year, so I might as well use it. Also, its always good to get the cholesterol checked and do a test for diabetes, STDs and other things as well. I do like my doctor though, he seems like a good guy.

   I walked into the place and instantly they yelled at me saying that what I was doing was not appropriate. See, I figured the doctor was a busy guy and I know I didn’t want to waste his time so I decided to show up naked so that it would save time on me having to change into the stupid little fucking gown they give you. They didn’t see the logic or the time saving reasons for my being naked. Oh and I may have called his nurse a bitch.

  So there I was in the little room with the nurse asking me questions, mainly about my testicles. She took my blood pressure and I slapped her on the ass as she left the room. So now I’m all alone with nothing to do waiting for the doctor. Should I masterbate again, because they really didn’t like it when I did that last year. Now being 8 in the morning, I was still kinda tired. So I laid down and started to take a nap when the doctor walked in. He scared the shit out of me so I took a Chinese star I found under the pillow and threw it at him. We’ll be right back after this brief commercial.

    People always tell him that they would rather sit in traffic for hours on end instead of spending time with him.
    Being around him is about as pleasant as getting a root canal.
    He is so annoying that Jehovah Witnesses skip his house when going door to door.
    He talks so much that there could be a pay per view event to remove his voice box.
    He is………………………………….
    THE MOST ANNOYING MAN IN THE WORLD!!!
     “”I don’t always drink wine but when I do, I prefer Boone’s Farm. Stay annoying my friends!”
  
  So anywho, where was I? Oh yeah, the doctor walked in with a massive erection that he couldn’t hide. He said he had been waiting all week to give me a prostate exam! He then asked me how I was doing. I told him I wanted him to look at my rash. And I had some numbness in my arms. And my feel felt flat. And my belly button had gone from an innie to an outie. And I had gas. Really bad. I reassured him that I did not have an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, but for some reason he seemed disappointed in that.

  Next, I explained to him that I had accidently ingested undercooked chicken on Monday night. I asked him what could happen to me, because so far, I had been fine. He said that I am a super human who can’t possibly be stopped. I guess pretty much, I’m invincible! Now if only I could get an erection to last longer then 4 hours…………………

  • 11:44 pm
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