Are you like me? Do you believe that boy bands are the absolute worst music of all time? I mean seriously, is there anything worse than listening to a group of mostly gay young guys professing their love for some random girl in the most sappy, bubble gum pop way possible? And yet, boy bands are always very popular. I guess they owe their popularity to their target audience of teenage girls and creepy older gay guys. Eventually the girls grow up and the guys die off but after a while another group of girls come of age and inevitably usher in the popularity of some other crappy boy band. And so it goes on and on for decades and decades. But do you often wonder where they come up with their names? Well lucky for you, I’ve taken the time to do the research and give you the 100% guaranteed to be true facts* as to how some of these bands got their names:

• One Direction- They got their name because they make gay guys cocks go in one direction.
• The Backstreet Boys- Well as it turns out, the boys in this  band are all REALLY into anal sex.
• New Edition- A bunch of virgins decided that they wanted to get laid so they started a boy band and decided to name themselves the one thing they would all be when they bagged their first chicks: like a damn new, unused edition.
• New Kids on The Block- See, when a gay guy just comes out of the closet, he is the “new kid on the block”.
• NSYNC- They came up with their name because of their uncanny ability to all cum at the exact same time.
• Take That- Turns out, they were referring to a money shot.
• Boys II Men- These guys were so desperate to be famous that they would fuck everybody from boys to men to finally make it.
• Boyzone- Wow this might be the gayest one yet, named for an area that is filled with all hot boys.

*And by totally true I mean a total and complete load of utter bullshit that I totally made up. And I don’t mean some of it was made up. I mean the whole damn fucking thing. All of it. Every last word. It happens when I have absolutely jack shit to write about and have way too much damn time on my hands. Sorry. Perhaps I should have just stuck to jerkin off. Then again, I’m quite certain you didn’t believe any of this anyway.

For years Christians and Republicans have been raging on around Christmas time about the “war on Christmas.” They say that the liberals and Atheists are trying to force the Christ out of Christmas and how stores and companies saying Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas is one of the great travesties in society today. Well I can’t even begin to say how fucking ridiculous they sound, instead I’m going to focus on how hypocritical they are and how they are totally missing the boat on this one. Never mind how Christmas is EVERYWHERE and damn near impossible to hide from, somehow these people still feel like victims and that they are in some sort of war against non Christians over Christmas………….in spite of the fact that a hell of a lot of non Christians actually still celebrate Christmas

First of all, the religious aspect of Christmas was hijacked decades……….no, probably more than well over a hundred years ago. If they want to go to war with somebody, perhaps they should start with Santa Claus. Christmas ceased being about Jesus so long ago that I’m quite certain most people alive today can’t even recall when Christmas didn’t have everything to do with gifts and spending money. Shit, how many people out there say Merry Christmas but don’t even refer to Jesus in the least the entire holiday season but instead focus all their time and lots of their money on gifts? Let’s face it, Christmas is not about Jesus in the least; it’s about gifts. While that might not have been the original intent of Christmas, it sure as hell is the intent of Christmas now. I mean, do you even realize how much of our economy is supported by Christmas? The whole season starts earlier and earlier every year. As I like to say, at some point the year is going to contain two months: January and Christmas.

Many people believe the dirtiest thing in the world to be money. And yet, this is what Christmas is about. Money. Money, money, money. So while they have absolutely no problems with their God being affiliated with the dirtiest thing ever, heaven forbid should somebody say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. They drive down the road, hear Christmas music being played on the radio, see Christmas decorations up everywhere, see Christmas specials all over television, but when they leave a store somebody says Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas and they flip out because “they are taking the Christ out of Christmas”. Can somebody please fucking explain this one to me?

The real problem is they need to see how materialistic we have become. Look, I’m an Atheist. I don’t give a fuck about the whole Jesus aspect of Christmas. But, it is a drain on society when people max out their credit cards and spend THOUSANDS of dollars on gifts for loved ones for Christmas. Gifts they can’t afford. Gifts that they don’t even have paid all by the next Christmas so they can start doing it all over again. Maybe I’m the one who just doesn’t get it here, but how can one justify spending themselves into debt just to buy their kids gifts for Christmas? And yet, according to these Christians I’m part of the problem when it comes to this so called war on Christmas. Huh?

I went back and forth about writing a post about a certain tragic even that happened a couple of days ago. But, then I figured since most of yous already know what my thoughts and opinions were and since I’m quite certain we are all saddened about the situation the last thing I wanted was to think about it again. And I’m quite certain the last thing you want is to be reminded about it; after all it seems to be everywhere and we can’t seem to get away from it. But, I did see a very funny headline on Yahoo the other day that I will share: “Obama Says Marijuana Not A High Priority”. Get it? Not a HIGH priority?

About six months ago I decided to start taking improv classes as Chicago’s legendary Second City. The first term went eight weeks and then I took the next eight week course. Upon signing up for the third term, my class got cancelled due to low enrollment. So I switched gears for the next term and took a writing class. The class primarily dealt with writing comedic sketches, something I’m not very good at. A couple of weeks ago we had to come up with a premise for a sketch and then of course, write it. As you probably already know, I’m a big fan of mafia movies. What I came up with was a mother in her mid to late 50s who was the head of a mafia family. In the scene she was threatening her son who refused to pay her money that he owed her. The first draft I kind of went overboard with the swearing. The next week we had to give it to a couple of people in the class to read it out loud. The results were not good. Honestly, it was not a good sketch. And not many people in the class found it funny, probably in part because of the rather excessive swearing, among other things. We discussed it and the teacher gave us tips on how to make our sketches better and gave us the assignment of rewriting it. So I went home and kept the same general theme but rewrote a lot of it, even taking out every single swear word. I emailed a friend of mine who read it and said it was really funny. I was confident it was good, but still anxious to have the class and teacher hear it. Well, yesterday was the day it got its time in front of the class. And it killed! The class and the teacher loved it. Honestly, I think a good part of the appeal was just how bad it was the previous week and then how much it improved in one week.

Yesterday was the last class of this term. I had a difficult choice to make. Continue onto writing to or go back and finish up improv as I have two terms left with that. I love improv and love to perform. So this morning, I signed up for the next improv class. What is cool about this one though is that at the end of this term, I get to perform on stage in front of an audience. At Second fucking City! I don’t think it will be the main stage but still, it’s Second fucking City!!

In 1981, there was by far and away no bigger band in the world than the Rolling Stones. Certainly they were big in the 1960s. And they were huge in the 1970s. But in 1981, they had a big hit with “Start Me Up” from the Tattoo You album. They then embarked on what was then one of the biggest world tours ever. The Rolling Stones had never been hotter. So, how is it that they ended up playing in a dinky, smokey bar on the south side of Chicago in 1981?

By 1981 Muddy Waters was not just a blues legend but he was considered one of the most influential musicians of all time. He was considered by many to be the father of Chicago blues. He was so influential, a band from England stole their name from a Muddy Waters song. That band was the Rolling Stones. Anybody who has heard even a few Stones songs can hear the bluesy influence of Waters. Love the Stones, than you certainly have to appreciate Waters even if you don’t like him. One might even say without Waters than there is no Rolling Stones or at the very least, it is a very different Rolling Stones. Hell, they wouldn’t even have the name, Rolling Stones. That is how important Waters was to them.

So the Stones were touring and in Chicago on that night in 1981 when they stopped by Muddy Waters blues bar the Checkerboard Lounge. And fortunately somehow it managed to get filmed and aired recently on PBS. Although I do believe it was a preplanned show, judging by the size of the crowd, it was not something that many people knew about. And it wasn’t like there was Facebook or text messaging that you could easily tell your friends to drop everything and get there. The bar was not very big and therefore did not hold a lot of people. I would be wiling to bet there were fewer than 100 people in the bar. Hell, judging by he sound, I think there was a lot less than 100 people. And it wasn’t only the Stones and Waters there. They even had Buddy Guy and Junior Wells come up to play with them. As I sat there watching this, I was in a state of awe at the enormity, yet tininess of it all. Here were the biggest artists in their genre, yet they were playing in a lounge so tiny that I’ve been to family reunions that had more people. Can you imagine showing up there that night and watching Waters play and in walks the Rolling fucking Stones? Wow.

Recently I watched the History Channel’s The Men Who Built America. I was totally captivated by the entire six part series. It focused on five very powerful and influential men from the mid to late 1800s and early 1900s. The five were Andrew Carnegie, Henry Ford, J.P. Morgan, John D Rockefeller and Cornelius Vanderbuilt. The series was fantastic and I learned a lot. I wound up having mixed feelings about all the men. Clearly they were important and vital to America becoming the power that it is today. But on the other hand, I got the sense that for the most part, they were generally not good men. They were nothing if not ruthless at times, however in the case of Carnegie and Rockefeller, they became very charitable later in life which does help redeem them in my book.

The series did get me to thinking though about our time. These men were legends who helped make America great. But what about now? Who are we going to remember and be talking about still in a hundred years or 150 years? My guess is that the Carnegies and Rockefellers of today are people like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, even though he is dead. I’m quite certain there are more innovators out there that I can’t think of. Also I’m sure there are some people out there right now that we just simply have never heard of and who will someday, leave their mark on the world much in the same way Carnegie and Gates and all the others have. As important and influential as Gates and Jobs were, I still don’t think they were as important as the aforementioned five. I know a lot of people might think I’m crazy for saying that, but just think where we would be without steel, without cars, without railroads or perhaps most importantly, without electricity. Sure, Gates and Jobs have greatly helped to advance the tech society but is there even an internet without electricity?

Ugh, tomorrow I go back to work for the first time in nearly two weeks. Damn, why is it that vacations go by way faster than the actual work week? Jeez that sucks. Nevertheless, I always like to give a recap of what I did on my vacation:

• Went on a rather unforgettable date. Well, it wasn’t all that bad, truth be told. I mean he was a nice guy and all, just not my type.
• Got a $200 speeding ticket in Wisconsin.
• Met a couple of Xangans in Oshgosh, Wisconsin.
• Played war at the casino in Milwaukee. It was pretty fun however I don’t know if I can justify the cost of losing. Perhaps next time I will do things a little bit differently so that I can fare a little better.
• Stayed out all night during a weekday with friends. This was probably my favorite thing I did on the trip.
• Went to the World of Chocolate. I go every year with friends to an AIDS benefit at a hotel in downtown Chicago. Unfortunately, my friends were not able to go this year but I didn’t find that out until after I bought the $125 ticket. While the food was still good, it really sucked going by myself. I felt pretty damn lonely for pretty much the entire time I was there.
• Watched the first two Godfather movies. I had seen the first Godfather but it was probably about 12 or 13 years ago. Let’s just put it this way, it was so long ago that I watched it on VHS. I liked it, but seemed to like it a lot more the second time around. And part two was good too, although I don’t think it was better than the first one.
• Lost in poker at a friends house.

Unlike last year, I don’t have the entire week off between Christmas and New Years, however I will only have to work two days that week. And unlike this year as of right now I don’t have any plans for vacations for next year.

I’m nothing if not a pretty significant movie buff. Then again, most people do like movies. I’ve also always been a very curious person. I ask a lot of questions and always need to know answers to everything. And it always drives me nuts not to know the answers to questions in certain movies. Hollywood is filled with tons of movies that have left it up to the imagination of the viewer as to how certain things happened or even how the movie ended. In spite of the fact that it drives me nuts, it is also part of what makes some movies great and keeps people talking about them. And secretly, I do like when a movie leaves it open to interpretation as to how a movie ends. But here are some examples of some questions that went unanswered in some of my favorite movies. Warning though, you might want to skip some of these if you have not seen the movie:

• Groundhog Day- I’m a big Bill Murray fan and I do love this movie. And even though you might not have seen it, you are probably at least familiar with the premise of the movie; a guy repeats the same day over and over. But it never answers the questions why or how does this keep happening. And we never find out why he is the only one who knows that he is stuck on the same day.
• Pulp Fiction- I will keep this one simple. What’s in the briefcase? The rumor is that it is Marcellus Wallace’s soul.
• Reservoir Dogs- If you watch the extra’s on the DVD, I think it is Chris Penn who wears a shirt that reads “Who shot nice guy Eddie?” which begs the question, who did shoot nice guy Eddie? All of the shots at the end of the movie can be accounted for except for the one that killed Eddie.
• Last Supper- This is a little known movie that I really like a lot. The end though is a total mystery. Did Ron Pearlman’s character kill everybody else?
• Inception- Those of you that have seen this movie know that a spinning top plays a big role throughout the movie. The last scene of the movie it is spun and we never find out if it stopped spinning or continued to spin.
• Castaway- Tom Hanks plays a dude stranded on a deserted island after his FEDEX plane crashes and he opens up every single package except one. What was in that last package?

These are just a few that I have come up with but I’m quite certain there are a ton more that either I’m forgetting or that I haven’t seen. Which movies do you wonder about?

Here is is nearly 2:30 in the afternoon and I’m just finishing my morning coffee. I’m on vacation this week and last night I went out with some friends to the city. I picked up my friend in the western suburbs about 6:30 last evening and we drove the 40 minutes to the city to pick up another person so we could have dinner before going to a bar. We had a great time at the first bar we went to before heading over to another bar where we had an even better time before eventually ending the night at an all night diner. I then had to drive the 40 minutes back to the western suburbs before driving another 40 minutes home. By the time I got back on the road after dropping her off it was morning rush hour traffic. As I drove I actually felt bad for the other motorists fighting their way to work in the morning while here I was just getting home from a fun night out. Man I love vacations.

It was past 7 am by the time I got to bed and it reminded me of my much younger unemployed days way back when and how I used to occasionally stay out all night during a weekday. While I stay out all night occasionally now, it is always on the weekend. But doing it during the week? Well shit that hasn’t happened in like 15 years. Back in the day before my best friend turned 21, we used to have to drive three and a half hours to Ho-Chunk Casino in Wisconsin to go gamble and we would do this on a spontaneous spur of the moment and eventually find ourselves racing home through rush hour traffic at like 7 or 8 in the morning. Shit those were good times. I wish I could be retired so I could do stuff like that again. Does anybody have like ten million dollars they wanna give me? Fuck I love vacations

Ever hear of Grover Norquist? Well for years he has been one of the most influential people in the country all because of his love of money and hatred of taxes. So, pretty much, greed. See back in the 1980s he worked with the Reagan Administration and sometime in the early 90s I believe he created a pledge that he got many members of Congress (pretty much all of them Republicans) to sign stating that they would never raise taxes. He in effect, almost became a puppet master to our elected officials, controlling them when it came to matters of taxes. His pledge was so powerful that Republicans lived in fear of what would happen if they went against it. If one of them would vote to raise taxes he would do everything in his power to get them to lose their re-election bids and in many cases it worked.

Well now that we are backed against the wall, many Republicans have finally started to grow a set of balls and fight back against him. It is not often when I find reasons to commend Republicans but this would be one of them. There is no reason why this guy needs to have the power he has. And more importantly, there is no reason why taxes should never go up for anybody or tax loopholes closed for anybody. Look everybody knows spending is an issue; I get that. But, there is no reason why somebody who makes 100 times what I make should pay less in taxes than me. Nobody is saying that the rich need to be taxed at 90% but all they are asking for is for the tax rate for the rich to go up a measly 3%. If the 3% breaks them, then maybe they need to look at their own spending habits.

Republicans have taken a lot of deserved heat not only for upholding this stupid fucking pledge, but also for not standing up to others in their own party who are clearly wrong. When the rare time comes that they actually go against a powerful allie, then they deserve to be commended.

I’m on vacation right now and I was trying to come up with a good place to go. Because my OT got slashed at work though, I decided to keep things fairly local and only go away for a max of two days. I’ve always really liked going to Ho-Chunk Casino in Wisconsin so I knew I wanted to spend some time there. I also knew that Kelly (Shamrocklover) lives in Appleton which is not really close to Ho-Chunk but presented an opportunity to actually meet somebody from Xanga. And as timing worked out, her sister Casey (Pennylumpkins) was visiting her so that meant two Xangans for the price of one. Now I live about three and a half hours from Appleton and we decided to meet up in Oshkosh which is about a half hour away from Appleton. I guess its a good half way point for us. Is that half way? Meh, hell if I know, I’ve never been good at math. But I digress.

I had a class on Saturday afternoon until 4 so I was  not able to set out until then. I was STARVING even before I got on the road but I didn’t want to get a full meal just yet so I stopped off and got a big ass fucking pretzel. I wanted a garilc pretzel so the dude put garlic powder on it but when I started to eat it, the damn powder went all over my coat. It looked like I had slide into home plate except instead of dirt being on my coat it was garlic powder.

I quickly got back on the road and started to race my way up to Oshkosh. Race being the key word here. Now I’ve been having some issues with my car lately in which the check engine light has been going on. Well it went on again and when it did it disabled the cruise control which normally I have set at somewhere between 10-14 miles over the speed limit when I’m on the expressway. But with it not working, I got a little more careless with my speed which is probably why the fucking cop pulled me over doing 80 in a 65 and gave me a motherfucking ticket for $200! Fuck me. I’ve known for years that Wisconsin gives some outrageous fines for speeding and it was a holiday weekend so I’m kicking myself for not being smarter.

Kelly and Casey were nice enough to pick me up at my hotel but I just had to get there. For some reason, Wisconsin is having a love affair with roundabouts. Have any of you driven through a roundabout? Well Oshgosh has a few of them and unfortunately I could not figure this damn thing out. My plan was to stay at the La Qunita and although I could see the damn hotel I was unable to get onto the road that it was on because of this stupid fucking roundabout. Around and around I went, meanwhile I had to piss like a fucking racehorse. So instead I just went to the Holiday Inn Express which was more money but had the added bonus of allowing me to piss sooner. Ahhh, the things we do when we have to pee.

I know this sounds kinda weird but I was actually kinda nervous about meeting them. Having Xanga known them for about three years now and read all about each other’s lives, it was almost like we already knew each other very well. But it was almost like meeting a pen pal that you have communicated with for years. I tend to get a little bit weird around people when I meet them for the first time and sometimes try too hard to be likable. I’ve already got a pretty crazy personality and this sort of thing only enhances it.

The girls picked me up about 8:40 or so and we headed over to one of Oshgosh’s two gay bars. We were in for a real treat. Turns out that BOTH of Oshgosh’s gay people showed up. One of them was a very friendly lesbian bartender. The other was a lesbian who seemed rather annoyed with us. Other than another guy and girl there the bar was empty. So we played a little bit of pool and then went to another bar across town that was not a gay bar. We had some drinks and ordered up some burnt pepperoni pizza. Mmmmmm burnt pizza……………still 100 times better than Pizza Hut.

They dropped me back off at my hotel about midnight. It was pretty cool to meet them. Kelly is about as sweet as they come very friendly and sociable. I got the sense though at one point that I might have been annoying her a little bit on the account that she asked me if I got more annoying the drunker I get (the answer is yes). Casey is very open and just all around cool. I think she might be the only person I have ever met that is more attracted to guys than I am. She is tons of fun though. In a way they are opposites but seem to have a lot in common if you understand what I mean. They certainly have that great bond that only sisters could have and you can see right away the amount of love they have for each other.

Sunday morning I woke up and asked the lady at the hotel where I could go for breakfast. She recommended a place that was actually literally right next to the La Quinta. Although it was only supposed to be a two minute drive, of course I got lost and it took me about 20 minutes. Turns out I went the wrong way on a road and yadda yadda yadda next thing you know I’m on the highway. I did eventually find my way and I realized it was of course much easier to find during the day.

Because I had the added cost of a $200 ticket I had to pay, I decided not to go to Ho-Chunk Casino but instead stopped off at the casino in Milwaukee on the way home. This would save me the cost of having to actually pay for a hotel room. Plus, going to Ho-Chunk is out of the way, but Potawatomi in Milwaukee is on the way home. I wound up spending probably four or five hours there, much of that time playing Casino War which is, well, remember the card game War that you played as a kid? It is the exact same thing except for money. Part of my problem was that the dealer was really cute so I spent more time there than I should have.

One thing I’ve always wanted to do was to take highway 41 from Milwaukee to Chicago. For those of you that don’t know, Hwy 41 eventually turns into the amazing Lake Shore Drive in Chicago. Since I had the time, this was the route I took home. Sure, it was totally out of my way and made the drive home much longer, but shit I had time and nothing to do. Hwy 41 snakes almost along Lake Michigan as it goes through Illinois on the way to Chicago, however unfortunately it was dark out so I wasn’t able to see the lake. But it as a cool drive and neat to watch it build from a non scenic plain highway to the stunningly beautiful one of kind scene that is downtown Chicago. If you ever get a chance to go to Chicago, do yourself a favor and drive down Lake Shore Drive at night, there is really nothing quite like it and something I can never get sick of.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to write a $200 check to the fucking state of Wisconsin.